We did it!

Sorry I've been quiet lately... a lot has been going on. Masarra's water broke Saturday morning, May 22nd, but I thought I was just peeing on myself. I noticed a trickle down my legs at 2:45 and 4:45 in the am when I got up to pee. After that, it stopped, so I didn't think anything of it. My parents got in Saturday night around midnight... they volunteered for a later flight in to get free tix to come back and see us all. Thankfully they volunteered for the late Saturdy flight instead of the early Sunday am option, because Sunday morning I started "peeing" on myself again. I laid down for half an hour to see if I leaked when I stood up, and sure enough, when I got up at 5:15 am after peeing at 4:45, I leaked again... too fast for it to be urine. So, I woke Sami up and told him my water had broken. I've never seen him jump out of bed so fast in my life! lol Anyway, we drove to the hospital... left my parents asleep upstairs... and I didn't even call my OB. I figured we'd get confirmation that it was my amniotic fluid first before bothering my OB 2 Sunday's in a row! lol Sure enough, it was amniotic fluid and a little over 2 hours after arriving at the hospital at 6:00 am, little miss Masarra decided to make her grand entrance at 8:08 am weighing in at 5 lbs 8 oz. She is adorable if I do say so myself.

Can I wait an extra day to meet you Masarra?

It's been a while since I've posted... but don't worry, Sami's still doing silly things to drive me crazy and keep me entertained at the same time. Most recently, he bought a car for the HUGE family that he'll have soon... 3 people call for a Tahoe with third row seating, right? lol And just like when we bought our house, and my car, as soon as he owned his Tahoe, he was ready to sell it. That's just my Sami. :)

Saturday I did a small yardsale to raise a little funds for the baby shower favors I wanted to prepare for the baby shower this weekend. Sami decided that my packaging needed a little jazzing up, so he took me to Walmart yesterday to spice things up. Once I'd finished, he told me that my packaging was now "SEXXXY!" Not quite what I was going for... perhaps he was going for "CLASSY" instead? :) Nevertheless, they now have his approval!

We went to the high risk doctor today, and in his words, "my cerclage is keeping my cervix on lockdown like a deadbolt". Good to know Miss Masarra is protected so well! She's weighing in at 3lbs 12 oz... right at 50th percentile. So she's perfectly normal, which is amazing considering I've been diabetic since week one essentially!! No big baby for me! She should be around 6 1/2 lbs when she's born... which brings me to the "bad" news of today's visit. I HAVE TO WAIT A WHOLE EXTRA 24 HOURS TO SEE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And, yes, before, you all think it, I know it will totally be worth it, but dang it, I had my heart set on Monday the 24th. But today we learned that the lab needs extra time to process our amnio results, so we will do th amnio on May 24th and hopefully deliver on May 25th. I'm getting that booked next Monday so they better not change their minds again! Or else!!! Yeah, right... like I have a choice. :) Oh, and we got to see her breathing too... soooo neat!

Sami bought me a Baby Book today after our appointment, and lunch with Miss Jenn of course. He said he's getting more into the baby stuff now because "It's real now!" Yeah, cuz us going in weekly and seeing our little girl didn't make it real, I guess. Oh well, at least he's getting into the swing of things now. :) And he's kind of right... now that we've got 2 baby showers coming up in the next few days, and her clothes are washed, and we have toys for her, it does kind of seem more real. :)

From Cucpakes to Murder... all in one week

Read ahead and you'll see why I nearly lost it several times this week... in fact, I'm pretty sure I did a time or two...

Last Monday, my parents were in town visiting and marking items off my to do list. My nursery is now complete with a dimmer and smoke detector, my stroller is put together, my house is decorated for Easter and all of Masarra's clothes for the first few months are washed and put away. I was excited that they got to stay until Tuesday as it meant that they could go with us for our sono and Dr visit on Monday and see their grandbaby.

Strike one for Sami:

Now, I've been on strict bedrest for 6 straight weeks now, and it feels like it has been 3 months... or more... So, I decided, after 4 weeks of strong cervical readings on the sono and negative fFN's (test to predict risk for PTL) that I was going out to lunch to celebrate with my family before we went to the OB for my weekly checkup. There's this great seafood restaurant by the hospital, Papadeux's that Sami and I ate at a while back and decided we wanted my parents to try when they were here. Granted, that was before our nightmare over 5 weeks ago, but still... So I told Sami Monday morning that we were all going out to eat before my doc appt. And I told my parents. They asked if I should sit up that long, but I was convinced that my cervix had proven itself again. Sami was upstairs studying for a midterm, so I told my parents that we'd leave at 12:30 to give us 2 hours before my appointment...plenty of time.

Around 11:30, we had just started watching the Young and the Restless downstairs, Sami came bounding downstairs and got his backpack and was halfway out the door before I could stop him. He said he was going to the library to study for his test. I was like "What about lunch and the Dr?" He said he thought I was kidding... and I LOST IT! Call it hormones, call it cabin fever, there was no way I was not going out in public for a few precious moments. So, after I calmed down, he realized how important it was to me (I may have threatened him with bodily harm, who knows?!). And I got my outing! It was awesome!

Sure enough, even after sitting up for 2 hours before our appointment, my cervix was measuring just fine, and the funneling was actually better than it had ever been. My OB was pleased with the results and said our next milestone was getting to 36 weeks. He told us it is time to decide if we take the cerclage out at 36 weeks, or 37, so I plan to seek my Peri's opinion on the topic a week from Monday when I see him again. So, I thought that meant I could get out of bed a little more; I mean, I'm doing great, and we'd originally talked about strict bedrest from 21-26 weeks, but no, that was not to be. My OB says I get to remain stranded here until at least week 32. FUN FUN! Let me tell ya!

My OB asked that we return yesterday to do our fFN since we are due every 2 weeks now. Sami and I decided we'd take our favorite cupcakes in to the office to celebrate us having hit the 26 week milestone. And that was Sami's second chance to drive me up the wall. We agreed to take cupcakes after our appointment Monday, and I mentioned it several times during the week. I told him Thursday evening we had to leave the house 15 minutes early to be sure we got them. And he was like yeah, yeah....

Stike Two:

Friday morning rolled around, and he was the bear he normally is when trying to get him out of bed. He won't use an alarm clock so I have to remember to wake his butt up each day, and he's grumpy, let me tell you. When we got in the car, me lying down mind you, he asked me if I was serious about the cupcakes. Really!?! How many times do I have to mention it to be serious? But he agreed we would stop by the Cupcakery on the way.

Now, lying down, it is rather difficult to really know where in the heck you are on the road. But, I had a feeling we had driven to far, so 10 minutes into our trip, I raised my head and saw he'd missed the exit for the Cupcakery by about 3+ miles. I asked him where he was going and he yelled "To get the cupcakes!". I asked him if he knew where it was, and he insisted he did. So, I then asked how come he'd passed it. He was shocked. The Cupcakery is on Lebanon road... Surely after 4 years in Texas and him being Lebanese, he should know where in the heck Lebanon road is, right? I mean, we've been there quite a few times and pass Lebanon road all the time. But no, he forgot, and drove past it when we were already short on time.

So, he made a U-turn and headed back on the tollway towards Lebanon. I sat up again when he started slowing down to be sure he was at the Lebanon road exit. And HE WAS! YEAY!!!! But, once I laid back down, I felt the car turning, and knew it was too soon. He'd taken the under Tollway road that takes you away from Lebanon road. So I asked him again, did he know where he was going, and he was like "YES!" So, I said, "How come you missed it again then?" Next came a slew of expletives in Arabic. I calmly told him to make yet another U-turn and to drive straight until he saw an actual sign that said "LEBANON ROAD". He asked me if I really wanted the damned cupcakes that bad and I was shocked/ready to kill him. Of course I did!!! It was my 26 week mark and a day to celebrate! I had already picked out exactly which ones I wanted, all in shades of pink to celebrate our little girl reaching viability.

The third time was the charm, and when he followed my directions, he found the place. And we actually made our selections (and got him a double espresso next door) and still made it to the doctor's office on time (well, a minute late, but that's ok). The office was thrilled with the treat. The Cupcakery's cupcakes are sooooo good, and the presentation is beautiful in and of itself. My OB was just getting back in from a procedure at the hospital when we got there, but took time to eat a cupcake himself before he came to see us for our exam. :) He wanted to know if we were trying to kill him by upping his cholesterol. lol I told him we just wanted to celebrate and he agreed, 26 weeks is worth celebrating! My exam went great, we had lots of people popping in to thank us for the cupcakes.

Next, our doc told us we'd get our results back from the fFN same day (since it was a Friday they put a rush on them, and thankfully they came back negative!), and that our next milestone to focus on was delivery. Over the next few weeks, we have to decide if we are going to delivery at 36, 36.5 or 37 weeks. Originally, he had said 36 weeks, but now he wants to get my Peri's opinion since me being on insulin means it may take a little longer for Masarra's lungs to develop. Either way, we will be having a baby in our hands in late May. After such a looooooooong journey, that seems unbelievable honestly.


Strike Three:

So, with Sami having survived his two strikes for the week, it looked like we were on our way to a new week without issue. But no... that was not to be. Every Friday, since the 16 week mark, Sami has been giving me a super progesterone shot that acts as a muscle relaxer from my uterus and keeps the contractions at bay. Not only does the shot relax my uterus, it also knocks me out like a light. The first time I took the shot, I slept for 24 hours with breaks only to eat because my blood sugar was dropping. I've gotten better at staying awake during the day on Saturdays now, but it is still tough. By 8 o'clock last night, I was ready to call it a night, and went to bed. I could tell that this shot was hitting me hard after a light week last week.

Imagine my surprise then to be woken from a deep deep slumber around 1:30 in the morning. Was it the dog next door that has suddenly decided to bark at all hours of the night? No, that would be too easy/predictable. I awoke startled by a jackhammer (or so I thought) right next to my head. A jackhammer named Sami! He was snoring louder than I have ever heard any human possibly do. And while we have a king size bed which I take up very little of, he'd somehow managed to get right next to my ear and do it!

I started putting my hands on his face to try and make him stop, but it wouldn't work. He'd stop for a second and then start right back up! I listened to him for 20 minutes before getting up to use the restroom and contemplate ways I could kill him and not get busted. Ironically, he said later today he heard me get up and go to the bathroom and heard me mumbling something about a dog. Yes, I was mumbling that at least I could call the cops on the damned dog, but what the hell was I supposed to do with a husband that wouldn't stop snoring?!

So, I got back in bed and tried to go back to sleep. I was sooooo exhausted. But the jackhammer would not stop! After it had been over an hour and I was in tears, I shook him awake. He was upset to begin with for me having woken him up. Once I explained that he'd had me awake for an hour though, he shut up and turned over and let me go back to sleep before he started snoring again. Thus, he walked away with his life! He woke up early this morning, but was nice enough to leave the bedroom and let me catch up on my much needed sleep.

Sami came to join me in bed around noon today, and we both got a good laugh out of how loud he'd been. I was in tears with laughter this time instead of from frustration like I was last night. I confessed that I'd actually contemplated murder last night after it was his third strike this week. I couldn't do that though, because no matter how much he has gotten under my skin this week, I realize that he's been a sweetheart and has taken care of everything I need... waiting on me hand and foot for the past 6 weeks. How can you stay mad at someone like that? So I will wipe his slate clean... for another week. :)

A major milesone!

Today marks a major milestone - we've reached 23 weeks without going into labor!! We are one week away from the beginnings of the viability spectrum and Masarra is holding on tight. She's been incredibly active this week. Perhaps she knows Mama needs a little extra reassurance that all is well. :)

Sami and I were pleased to get a relatively good report from the doctors this week. My cervix declined about 1/4 of a centimeter instead of the more than 1 centimeter a week that I was losing. Looks like all of this bed rest is paying off! Now if I can only manage to endure 13 more weeks of it w/o being admitted to the hospital. I really hope I can, because this week has taught me an important lesson: Bed rest is VERY difficult if you don't have TIVO! Seriously, I have nearly wiped out my TIVO library. Thankfully neighbors and friends have given me DVDs to watch. I mean, I like the Olympics and all, but I must confess that I am not as in to them this year and most of my staple programming is in rerun during the Olympics. :(

I never thought I was a supersticious person before the start of our fertility journey, but boy am I now! I made Sami help me pack a bag for the hospital this past Monday with the exact thought that if I didn't, they'd tell me I had to be admitted. So, now that bag is stitting next to the bed ready for a return trip to the doctor on Monday. Hope it still has some magic left for Monday.

So, how have I passed my time, besides watching TV that is? I've played Facebook games, solitaire and pinball till I'm blue in the face. Today, I decided to close my eyes and imagine that Sami and I got to go to Texas Roadhouse for dinner tonight. I was enjoying my imaginary yeast roll until Sami covered my nose and mouth so that I couldn't breath to snap me out of it. Yep... I'm going crazy folks! I'm sooooo excited for Monday so that I can get out of the house for another horizontal car ride... only this Monday I get 2. I have an endocrinologist appointment for the gestational diabetes checkup and then an afternoon appointment to see how things are going with my cervix. Yeay! Fieldtrips! lol

I really thought yesterday would have been a rough day for me since that was the day that I went into labor last time. However, I had a prenatal massage on Wednesday and did a session of bodytalk (similar effects as meditation) where I concentrated on convincing myself that it is possible for my body to go to 36 weeks with this pregnancy. I honestly alternate day to day as to how much I truly believe that. But yesterday I did, so that is all that mattered. It helped me make it through the day. I was not, however, able to watch one of my favorite shows, Private Practice. Seriously, could they have picked a better day to show a woman struggling with what to do for her 25 week preemie?! I wonder about Shonda Rimes sometimes. Right after we lost Solomon to NEC, she happened to have a young boy on Grey's Anatomy suffering from Short Bowel Syndrome... which Solomon would have been at risk for had he survived. I didn't even TIVO Private Practice last night. I figured by the time I can handle that epidsode, it will be in reruns anyway.

So, it's time for another action packed weekend of lying in bed doing nothing! Jealous, aren't ya!? lol

2 weeks down...14 to go???

We've survived another week of strict bedrest. Only 2 trips to the hospital this week... not bad! lol All is going well so far overall. With one exception. I am HUNGRY 24/7. I need a buffet table set up in my bedroom I guess! Yesterday I couldn't get enough food, ever. I had Sami go out and get me an order of spaghetti w/meat sauce AND meetballs. I usually split that order over 2 days. Not yesterday. I wolfed it down and looked around the bed hoping that there'd be more somehow... no use. I hate half a loaf of french bread too. So, you'd think my blood sugar would be through the roof, but it wasn't. That's the thing, my blood sugar has been on the low end this week. I've not had to use my pre meal insulin at all. And it looks like I'll have to cut back on my morning and evening doses too. Guess all this laying around and doing nothing is taking it's toll. :)

We got a TON of snow yesterday. They are saying that 12.5 inches fell in 24 hours, the most since 2011. It was beautiful to watch it from my bedroom windows, but I wish I could have been out there with all the other kids and kids at heart building snowmen. Next winter hopefully, we'll have Masarra out there playing in the snow with us!

That's the last time Sami gets a vacation during this pregnancy! :)

Let me start by saying I am exhausted!!! I didn't get much sleep last night. First, I had bad heartburn from the pizza I had while watching the superbowl. Then, when I wanted to go to sleep I got this horrible pelvic pressure that would not stop for like an hour or more. By then, I was terrified to go to sleep. I knew I had an early am OB appt, so I didn't call since I wasn't feeling contractions. Today, we learned that my funneling is worse and my cervix is now 3.4 to 3.8 (OB vs Peri measurements a few hours apart) with 1.5 to 2 above the stitch. Ideally, you want your cervix to be 4cm long at this point until week 24 when it naturally starts to shorten. I was admitted for a while for contraction monitoring, but didn't have any noticeable contractions, so my docs got together and decided that if I stay on strict bedrest, I can spend the next week at home. So, here I am, back where I was last pregnancy, but at least this time I have a cerclage. All my faith is now in that tiny little stitch. And, this just goes to show that my cervix really is incompetent and that I REALLY needed that cerclage back in December. I think my Peri was beginning to question whether or not my cervix was wacky since things had been going so well. It's amazing how fast the decline was this time. It wasn't even this bad last time with twins in there.

Apparently I am a legend in L&D. When I checked in today everyone was all smiles asking if I remembered them (we stayed quite a while last time and I had a pretty nasty infection after delivery). Several things surprised me. My nurse today was my nurse the day I delivered, and she remembered me immediately. She said she's never been angrier in her life than she was with my old Peri the day I delivered. (He was very cold and to the point in saying "Baby B didn't make it." followed by a swift exit from my room and life... yes, I would have never seen him again if I hadn't sought him out). Apparently all the nurses know about it and were shocked by his behaviour... all this time I thought it was just me. lol Sounded like he's been blacklisted by more than just Sami and I. Everyone was thrilled that we are pregnant again and have made it this far. I feel like I have such a huge stand full of cheerleaders for us. While I'm scared by the rate of change in my cervical length (apparently they are concerned with anything over a .5cm change per week) I am placing my full trust in that handy dandy cerclage.

Please, continue to keep us in your prayers. We appreciate all that you've done for us to date and pray that we can carry this little bundle of joy until she's had enough time to come out with a fighting chance.

Obsessions...

If you talk to most pregnant women, they look forward to the day they will bring their little one home from the hospital. They obsess over nursery decor and having to wait 2 months to get an ultrasound. They don't however obsess over whether or not they'll be able to carry to term, or wonder how many days this child will have to spend in the NICU until they come home. They don't have weekly doctor visits, have 4 doctors managing their pregnancy, take weekly shots to prevent PTL, or obsess over silly things like cervical length. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to obsess over all of the above! But, our experiences make us stronger, and if I had to go through something like what we've been through, I would like to think we've learned from it.

And then there's my blood sugar readings. I obsess over them too. They've been higher than I'd like lately in part due to the progesterone shots I am taking to prevent PTL. Not only do they make me very very tired, they apparently also affect my body's ability to process insulin. I have an appointment tomorrow with my sugar doctor, and for the firs time, I'm not looking forward to it.

And then there's the obsession about how much Masarra moves. She's a quiet one. She'll let me know she's there, mostly right before bed, but doesn't make a lot of movements... definitely very different from her brothers who were learning to be little soccer players in utero. Masarra likes to take it easy. She doesn't even move around a lot during the sonos. She's used to paparazzi now I suppose. :)

Obsess is a strong word, but it is the right word in this case. I actually went a week without a doctor visit this week, and you'd have thought I'd had to wait 2 months for my next sono! Every time I get a round ligament pain, I worry that it is a contraction, or pelvic pressure indicating that my cervix isn't holding up. Or, God forbid I should get gas, because then I'm convinced I will deliver any minute. Every minute of every day, I am obsessing. I've been told I have to give myself permission to carry to term. I hope it is that easy. Mind over matter they say, right?

So, since I'm on bedrest, I have lots and lots of time for TV. I caught a repeat of Oprah last week about a little boy who'd lost his twin brother and was depressed. Nate, one of her designer buddies who lost his SO in the Tsunami 5 years ago, shared with the family his realization that you could harp on dates and their associated memories be it the day of someone's birth, or their passing, or you could allow yourself to feel emotions as they come, and not only on certain days. It is very liberating.

And then there's Mrs. Wendy Williams, who used her show to bring the spotlight to the issue of women having the courage to try again after losing babies to miscarriage or incompetent cervices. Yep, there she was on national TV in all her glory telling the world her "Cervix had issues" (you should have seen her hand gestures!) but that with medical help and bedrest, she was able to have her son Kevin, who's now 9, after 3 losses (1 miscarriage and 2 losses from IC). Now when I watch Wendy, I am smiling, because 1. she's a hot mess (in a good way) and 2. she's always happy!. So after her revelations this week I decided if she can be happy after all she's been through, I can give myself permission to keep trying and hopefully one day I can be that happy again too.