Lucky SEVEN!

Yep, we've made it to seven weeks today, and can breathe another small sigh of relief. We have our first ultrasound on Monday, which will hopefully allow me to release all of the breath I have been holding for the past 2 months. I just hope and pray that we get good news!

I spoke with my doctor's office this week, and they have me as patient #1 on their list to get the H1N1 vaccine when they get it in next week. Apparently being asthmatic and having gestational diabetes comes with tons of perks...lol. The office is only getting 20 of the 180 shots they've ordered and lucky me is #1 on the list with my name and phone number written in red. The nice nurse said, "Of course you'll be patient #1 since you have complications..." And then she tried to backtrack and make "complications" not sound so bad... I was like "Honey, I've been through enough at this point to accept that I am full of complications!"

So, for now, we are just counting down the days till Monday. Who knew you could actually want to let the weekend fly by!?! But, we have some exciting things planned to make the time pass quickly. I will be spending the day tomorrow dressed as Octomom with Sami as my RE (fertility doctor). Then Sunday, if Sami's germ phobia allows me to go out, we will be hitting Banning's first birthday party! Yep, it's been a year since our whole ordeal started. Little Banning and his family were one of the first families that we met in the NICU last year. He's such a special little boy and we can't wait ot help him celebrate his milestone! :)

SIX WEEKS! Halfway through the first trimester ...still a ways to go...

A roll of the dice... that's exactly how it feels. I get lectures all the time from loved ones about how I should be optimistic (or as Sami says, septimistic, because to him that is the opposite of pessimistic). I try, really I do. I just wanted a pregnancy devoid of complications (other than knowing that I would need a cerclage as soon as I made it through the first trimester). But, alas, that was not to be.

I started spotting last Saturday. You'd think I'd be used to this by now. Honestly, last pregnancy, after I began to bleed almost daily, I did grow quite used to it. But this time, I was TRYING to be septimistic (that's for you Sami)!

I have also read some info online that says that my spotting could be coming from my irritated or incompetent cervix. Go figure... perhaps I am just meant to spot... at least it is not painful like the miscarriage I had last time at 6 weeks and 2 days. So there you have it, I am 6 weeks today, and praying to get through the weekend. I feel like that will be our first milestone...

Happy Friday Everyone! We are 5 weeks today!

I know it's still early, but after everything we've been through, I plan to celebrate every milestone we hit with this pregnancy. I've spent the week taking it easy. I've been sitting or lying on the couch for most of the week and look forward to continuing that habit for a while to come.

I was fortunate enough to have friends come over yesterday to check in on me. That was a very nice treat. You realize quickly when you are not as mobile as you used to be that you miss the human interaction. Poor Sami... he's had his routine overturned too... he actually asked me this week if I was going back to work soon so that he could have the house back during the day. Poor guy! He's been studying hard for his math test tomorrow... I so hope he passes!

I've had quite a bit of morning sickness this week, but fortunatley, I've been fortunate enough to not actually get sick yet. It gets bad mid morning usually and then in the evening. At least it is a reminder though that I'm still pregnant. I actually start to obsess when I miss a morning. Yep... that's what it is like when you've wanted a child for so long and experienced so many losses... you start to second guess every symptom or lack thereof...

We have our last RE appointment on 10/2 where we will hopefully get to see a heartbeat, and then it is on to my OB on 10/9 for our first appointment there. He will see me weekly with my peri (high risk doc) seeing me every 3 weeks. My OB's office was so excited to hear that we are pregnant again. I think I spoke to almost everyone there and you could hear it in their voices. It makes me so glad that I chose their office. After our first OB experience... look back to 2008 for my "Britney Spears" experience and I think it'll be self-explanatory, I really looked hard to pick the right doctor for me. We've gotten better service than anyone could expect and they treat us like family.

So here's hoping for another peaceful, uneventful week. 5 down, at least 27 more to go! :)

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

It's official!

We are out of beta hell and into the wonderful world of pregnancy! Our latest beta went from 45 to 105 and we have our first sono scheduled for November 2nd. I offered to come in the Friday before (October 30th) and wear my Halloween costume, but unfortunatley, they are closed that day. Sami is going as my fertility doctor this year, and I am going as Octomom! Hey, we couldn't pass up on the irony. :)

So, for now, it's no more worrying about betas, and on to worrying about how many more days have to pass until I get to see my baby(s). We did get a first appointment scheduled for November 9th with our OB too. The office was super excited for us!

I notified my boss, who asked if I'd work as much as possible (from home, of course). I am thrilled to do that because it takes my mind off all of the what-ifs. No no no... I do not need to much time alone to think!

Finally, I would like to ask you all to light candles in memory of our boys, Solomon and Rafe and those we never got to meet, and for anyone else who's lost a child tomorrow.

In October1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day" is October 15th.

"When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, their isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes."

Back in Beta Hell!

With our first pregnancy via IVF (which unfortunately we lost at 10 weeks, discovered at week 15), I first paid a visit to Beta Hell. It's a place you never wanna visit, but apparently I got a multi-visit pass. Our first beta with that pregnancy was 12. You typically need a 25 to be considered pregnant, but most docs want to see a 100 or higher... kinda like a test score I suppose. :) Anyway... this go round we scored a 25... pregnant, but on the low end and more prone to having a chemical pregnancy (embryo doesn't develop). When you enter beta hell, they bring you back every 48 hours to see if you beta is increasing by at least 60% (they prefer 100%). Luckily, ours has gone from 25 to 45. We have one more test tomorrow monring and then hopefully we'll get the all clear until the sonogram... hopefully sometime around Halloween.

It's at the sono that we get to see how many implanted. With a beta that low (25) you'd think that we only have 1, but given that I've had a beta of 12 with one before, I wouldn't put it past both of those embryo's having implanted. :) I went for a body talk session today and my therapist told me she's picking up on both (take it for what its worth) but that one is having some circulation issues. Now, if it is true, that would explain why my beta didn't quite double. Supposedly, she did some work on me which should help resolve that issue. She's also picking up on me having a boy and girl in there this go round... time will tell.

For now, I've stepped away from those nasty home pregnancy tests, and am leaving it all in God's hands.

I am officially crazzzzzy!

Help! I've lost my mind....those stupid sticks have taken over my life. We have sooooo much riding on this round of treatment, so of course, this would be the treatment cycle that gives me mixed results on the home pregnancy tests. For example:

7 days post 6 day transfer - I tested with the cheap dollar store tests and got faint positives...
8 days post 6 day transfer - I tested using the expensive digital tests and got a negative....proceeded to have a mental breakdown...
9 days post 6 day transfer - I tested again with the expensive digital test and got an error message....went out and bought CVS tests (non-digital) and got a positive immediately.

So, will I stop taking the tests? No way! Once a crazy, always a crazy! I am just sooooooo ready for tomorrow so that we can put an end to this madness for a few days. Of course, there's always something else to obsess about. You make it through the beta and get a positive, but then, is it high enough? Is it doubling like it should? Then, once it doubles, you get to wait a few weeks to see the heartbeat.... yep, you heard me, a few weeks... imagine how off the charts crazy I'll be by then. After we see the heartbeat, I am released to my OB and then it's on to worrying about making it to week 12 so that I can get my cervix stitched closed....and then, it's time to obsess over my cervical length and making it to week 28 at least... then you get to week 28 and you obsess over making it to week 32 if my uterus can handle it (I had an emergency c-section last time so there is the risk of rupture)...then assuming we make it through all of that and a healthy child is born, the real worry begins, right? :)

Maybe they should just make a potion that will let me sleep through the next 8 months and wake up in the delivery room. You know, I don't think I'd take it. I've fought so hard to get this experience and now I'm going to just sit back and enjoy my craziness...

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

Dear Lord....grant me the strength to make it through this 2ww!

I'm hanging in there... trying to keep the negative thoughts away. I've been so blessed to have 2 IVFs work, that I sometimes worry if it's not my turn to get a BFN.... that's my negative thought essentially... now that I've said it out loud (well typed it at least), I insist that it run far far away! :) I have our nursery pretty much finished. I changed a few things up this weekend from how I had them with my last pregnancy. I figured it was time for a new look for a fresh start. Now I just need one or both of my sweet little embies to decide to take root and stay for a while.

If you have never had to go through the agony of a 2ww, you are probably wondering what the big deal is. It's simple.... you know you have what could become a baby inside of you, but you are on so many medications that you have no way of knowing if the twinges, pulls, and other "feelings" are that baby deciding to take root, or just your imagination. It's the worst kind of torture for a woman who's wanted a baby for so long...

I'm at that horrible in between point right now. It's been enough days that I can start to think about POASing, but it's really too early for anything to show up....so I just spend my time trying to get these negative thoughts out instead.

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

Ugh... let the night sweats begin!

My poor poor hubby! Every time I go through IVF and I make it past the ET, he gets stuck needing to sleep in flannel pajamas because his wife sweats like a pig even when it's 60 degrees in the house! Last night was our first such night with this round of treatment. It's fall weather here in Little Elm... it's frickin gorgeous! I went to bed last night feeling cold but with the window up because it felt sooo good. I also had the ceiling fan on. It didn't matter.... I awoke in a pool of sweat at midnight. And again at 3 am... and then 5 am.... and then 7... you get the picture. The midnight episode was the worst. I had to throw my body pillow off the bed because it felt like it had been dunked in a pool. UGH! If my last two pregnancies were any indication, it's not going to get any better... I read today that taking cold showers before bed can help... I think I'll try that tonight because I am just the desperate!

I've been visiting all my message boards for fertility today and have determined that Tuesday morning is the earliest I could possible get a + on a HPT. I was out at the DollarTree today and picked up a few more tests just in case. I start to go a little crazy with the POASing when it's time to potentially see a positive. I really feel like it's worked this time. I've had the tell tell pains in my sides, ever so mild cramping, and the blood sugar spike that usually accompanies my earliest stage of pregnancy. Either I'm pregnant, or my mind's playing tricks on me. Either way, it's too soon to tell. So, for now, I'm just twiddling my thumbs till POAS Tuesday! :)

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

Two days down... 8 more to go!

So, I have 8 more days until my first beta. Things are going pretty well so far. I spent the first 2 days mostly in bed, and today I've gotten up a little more. Still light duty though... no worries. My hubby's been doing a wonderful job of taking care of me! I couldn't ask for anyone to dote on me any more than he does.

I told him yesterday that I thought one of our blastocysts (potential babies) looks an awful lot like a rooster. I took this as a good sign. You'd have thought I had told my husband I didn't belive in God. He was offended that I could even think to compare our child to a rooster. Duh, it's his Chinese sign, so I told him it was a GOOD THING! Today, he came around, in a big way.

He was getting ready for class and came over to kiss me good-bye. He saw me looking at the picture again and proceeded to give me a picture frame to put them in. Little did he realize that the picture frame was one I got from work recently and was a gift from VISA. I found it extremely ironic that my babies are now "smiling" at me from a picture frame with "VISA" plastered across the front. Afterall, my Visa card is still smoking from all the money it's delivered to my RE. I think I've put all of his kids through college and bought him a retirement home. :) So, now, my babies have a corporate sponsor.

I felt a few twinges in my uterus yesterday. It may have been implantation, or perhaps it was just a few left over cramps from the procedure... I guess we'll know if 8 days!

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!