We miss you!

From my niece... such a sweatheart she is!

"An Angel with the book of life wrote down my baby's birth, and whispered as he closed the book, "too beautiful for earth"This day today, just year ago was the worst for earth, but the best for heavenThis day today, an angel came and called his name, and took him by the handThis day today, heaven celebrates the arrival of the prince, the angel, the precious soul... Solomon Khoury. We miss you angel, keep watching over us we love you !While their room was being prepared in Little Elm, Texas, Solomon and his twin Rafe couldn't wait any longer to get out and explore the world. On November 18th, 2008, they were born. Unusually, no one was happy with this surprising news since the babies were still premature. Rafe's body was unfortunately poisoned and caused him to leave his brother fighting alone...Being born at an early time, Solomon had to undergo a heart surgery to close one of his heart valves that was supposed to close on the 8th month. As being told, the surgery was successfully accomplished. Solomon was getting better day after day; his test results proved the progress he was making. Minor problems kept constantly appearing, but Solomon never gave up...The early morning of December 22nd was a disaster. Our Christmas miracle was turned into the worst nightmare. The baby's intestines were attacked by a deadly disease, the silent killer. His body was too weak for any operation. Solomon waited in his incubator while nothing could be done. Time was passing incredibly fast and Solomon was gone before anyone knew it. Heaven has a new angel now... Solomon pray for us!"

Today is clearly a rough day for us, but we appreciate the love and support of all of our family and friends!

Happy Birthday to me! Happy 13 weeks gestation to our little one!

Sorry it took so long to do the 13 week update. I've had my buttocks kicked pretty hard by a sinus infection that turned to bronchitis that then left me with "mild asthma" per my lung doc which has taken me down for the count. I finally got put on steroids this week because I worried about the effects of the excessive coughing on my poor baby/cervix. We go for a checkup this afternoon and I pray that all the coughing I've done in the past 2 weeks has not taken its toll already. We shall see.

Yesterday was my birthday... I'm no longer 30... ugh! Great... now I feel old. It was an emotional day for me. I remember wanting to have such a huge party for my 30th... I had it all planned. I was going to have a band and all of my family together. Then I got pregnant with twins and was devastated when the docs said I could not travel. After that, I ended up in the hospital delivering my angels right before my birthday anyway and fighting for my son Solmon's life. I'll never forget though just how wonderful last year's birthday was... despite me not having a party. I got to hold my son on my birthday last year... not knowing that he only had 6 more days to live. We celebrated with him by bringing the birthday party to the NICU. Sami and I picked up birthday cupcakes for all the doctors, nurses and staff and it was the best birthday in my life. Better than turning 16 and getting my license or 21 and having a drink. I got to hold my son.

So how was this year? I had wonderful friends and family wishing me happy birthday throughout the day and a great group went to dinner with us last night. But it hurts. My hubby bought me 2 dozen roses, a spa day and a gift card for maternity clothes, and yet it still hurts. You see, I couldn't hold my son this year. And I miss him and his brother Rafe terribly... just terribly. I cannot help but think of how fun this Christmas would have been if they were still with us. Sami said this week that Christmas died for him decades ago when he lost his father. It died quite a bit for me last year when we lost our boys. We are fighting so hard to try and salvage it this year for our unborn child, but it is hard... there's no other word for it. Sami had me in tears this week when he said he was thankful to me and my family for bringing Christmas back alive for him with our celebrations. I think that is what makes it worse this year too... we cannot travel to NC for the family festivities so we are left alone here in Texas with our memories of an awful ending to 2008. What keeps us going is the prospect of a wonderful holiday season in 2010 with our family and our child. That's a dream we really need to come true...

I have a Cerclage! Sounds so Ooh la la... I know!

I've been tied up like a turkey!!!!

I am sorry it took me so long to post. To be honest, I did not sleep for 2 days prior to my cerclage because I was terrified... I was convinced it would hurt like hell, or that they would go in and find something wrong with my cervix already... let me tell you, I worried for naught... but I slept like an angel yesterday!

We went to the hospital at 5:30 yesterday morning, and I had my surgery at 7:30. I remember having a detailed discussion with the anaesthesiologist on the way to the OR about Sami's ethnicity. Everyone always thinks he's Russian for some reason. Did I just say, "No, he's Lebanese"? Nope, I went into his whole family history..."He's technically Lebanese, but he's really Palestenian and Syrian, but he was born and raised in Kuwait... blah blah blah blah blah.." What a chatterbox I was!

If you know anyone who's getting a cerclage at 12 weeks, tell them that if they come at you with that stupid doppler wanting to hear the heartbeat before you go down for the cerclage... tell them to go away!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why I let them do that... of course you cannot hear it at less than 12 weeks! And, the last time someone used a doppler on me was when we discovered our missed miscarriage, so I already had a negative connotation with that stupid thing! My OB never uses it on me... he knows better! LOL... The lady that was sent down from L&D was very upset that they'd sent her because she knew we probably would not be able to hear the hb, and it just works you up for nothing.

Thankfully, I felt the baby move on the way to the OR which was very reassuring since I'd just went through the whole doppler nightmare . I started feeling this one about a week or so ago, very faint at first and still rather faint, but I know the difference between that and gas after my last pregnancy.

I came to at 8:30 am and struggled to breathe. That was scary to say the least. Since I've had sinusitis and bronchitis this past week, the doc warned me that I may be doing a lot of coughing after coming to... he didn't exaggerate. After I coughed a lot, I was able to breathe just fine... but it was scary there for a minute.

In recovery, there was all kinds of drama about who was writing orders for me b/c my OB was admitting doc, and MFM was surgeon. OB said give her a sono if she wants it, and I was like, "Hell Yeah! Especially after the whole doppler thing!" Well, MFM was out until 1:30 so he couldn't do the sono but told me I could come back to his office and get one or get an abdominal one at the hospital. We opted to get it at the hospital. The man doing it was HUGE! I swear he used his size and weight to push on me way harder than was necessary. I was happy to see the baby moving around and was like, "OK, take me back now!" but he had to study every inch of my uterus and ovaries. IT hurt! And, that's really the only pain I've had.... soreness from the U/S. I told Sami I can tell someone's been fiddling around down there, but it doesn't really hurt. And it doesn't.

I'm on bed rest for the next week, and then we will play it by ear from there. MFM will take a look at his work next Thursday, and let me know if I can walk around again. But, I know for sure, I will be on bed rest from week 20 on. The only other pain I have is a sore throat from the breathing tube that was used, but that will go away soon. Warm liquids help with that.

Thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes!