We miss you!

From my niece... such a sweatheart she is!

"An Angel with the book of life wrote down my baby's birth, and whispered as he closed the book, "too beautiful for earth"This day today, just year ago was the worst for earth, but the best for heavenThis day today, an angel came and called his name, and took him by the handThis day today, heaven celebrates the arrival of the prince, the angel, the precious soul... Solomon Khoury. We miss you angel, keep watching over us we love you !While their room was being prepared in Little Elm, Texas, Solomon and his twin Rafe couldn't wait any longer to get out and explore the world. On November 18th, 2008, they were born. Unusually, no one was happy with this surprising news since the babies were still premature. Rafe's body was unfortunately poisoned and caused him to leave his brother fighting alone...Being born at an early time, Solomon had to undergo a heart surgery to close one of his heart valves that was supposed to close on the 8th month. As being told, the surgery was successfully accomplished. Solomon was getting better day after day; his test results proved the progress he was making. Minor problems kept constantly appearing, but Solomon never gave up...The early morning of December 22nd was a disaster. Our Christmas miracle was turned into the worst nightmare. The baby's intestines were attacked by a deadly disease, the silent killer. His body was too weak for any operation. Solomon waited in his incubator while nothing could be done. Time was passing incredibly fast and Solomon was gone before anyone knew it. Heaven has a new angel now... Solomon pray for us!"

Today is clearly a rough day for us, but we appreciate the love and support of all of our family and friends!

Happy Birthday to me! Happy 13 weeks gestation to our little one!

Sorry it took so long to do the 13 week update. I've had my buttocks kicked pretty hard by a sinus infection that turned to bronchitis that then left me with "mild asthma" per my lung doc which has taken me down for the count. I finally got put on steroids this week because I worried about the effects of the excessive coughing on my poor baby/cervix. We go for a checkup this afternoon and I pray that all the coughing I've done in the past 2 weeks has not taken its toll already. We shall see.

Yesterday was my birthday... I'm no longer 30... ugh! Great... now I feel old. It was an emotional day for me. I remember wanting to have such a huge party for my 30th... I had it all planned. I was going to have a band and all of my family together. Then I got pregnant with twins and was devastated when the docs said I could not travel. After that, I ended up in the hospital delivering my angels right before my birthday anyway and fighting for my son Solmon's life. I'll never forget though just how wonderful last year's birthday was... despite me not having a party. I got to hold my son on my birthday last year... not knowing that he only had 6 more days to live. We celebrated with him by bringing the birthday party to the NICU. Sami and I picked up birthday cupcakes for all the doctors, nurses and staff and it was the best birthday in my life. Better than turning 16 and getting my license or 21 and having a drink. I got to hold my son.

So how was this year? I had wonderful friends and family wishing me happy birthday throughout the day and a great group went to dinner with us last night. But it hurts. My hubby bought me 2 dozen roses, a spa day and a gift card for maternity clothes, and yet it still hurts. You see, I couldn't hold my son this year. And I miss him and his brother Rafe terribly... just terribly. I cannot help but think of how fun this Christmas would have been if they were still with us. Sami said this week that Christmas died for him decades ago when he lost his father. It died quite a bit for me last year when we lost our boys. We are fighting so hard to try and salvage it this year for our unborn child, but it is hard... there's no other word for it. Sami had me in tears this week when he said he was thankful to me and my family for bringing Christmas back alive for him with our celebrations. I think that is what makes it worse this year too... we cannot travel to NC for the family festivities so we are left alone here in Texas with our memories of an awful ending to 2008. What keeps us going is the prospect of a wonderful holiday season in 2010 with our family and our child. That's a dream we really need to come true...

I have a Cerclage! Sounds so Ooh la la... I know!

I've been tied up like a turkey!!!!

I am sorry it took me so long to post. To be honest, I did not sleep for 2 days prior to my cerclage because I was terrified... I was convinced it would hurt like hell, or that they would go in and find something wrong with my cervix already... let me tell you, I worried for naught... but I slept like an angel yesterday!

We went to the hospital at 5:30 yesterday morning, and I had my surgery at 7:30. I remember having a detailed discussion with the anaesthesiologist on the way to the OR about Sami's ethnicity. Everyone always thinks he's Russian for some reason. Did I just say, "No, he's Lebanese"? Nope, I went into his whole family history..."He's technically Lebanese, but he's really Palestenian and Syrian, but he was born and raised in Kuwait... blah blah blah blah blah.." What a chatterbox I was!

If you know anyone who's getting a cerclage at 12 weeks, tell them that if they come at you with that stupid doppler wanting to hear the heartbeat before you go down for the cerclage... tell them to go away!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why I let them do that... of course you cannot hear it at less than 12 weeks! And, the last time someone used a doppler on me was when we discovered our missed miscarriage, so I already had a negative connotation with that stupid thing! My OB never uses it on me... he knows better! LOL... The lady that was sent down from L&D was very upset that they'd sent her because she knew we probably would not be able to hear the hb, and it just works you up for nothing.

Thankfully, I felt the baby move on the way to the OR which was very reassuring since I'd just went through the whole doppler nightmare . I started feeling this one about a week or so ago, very faint at first and still rather faint, but I know the difference between that and gas after my last pregnancy.

I came to at 8:30 am and struggled to breathe. That was scary to say the least. Since I've had sinusitis and bronchitis this past week, the doc warned me that I may be doing a lot of coughing after coming to... he didn't exaggerate. After I coughed a lot, I was able to breathe just fine... but it was scary there for a minute.

In recovery, there was all kinds of drama about who was writing orders for me b/c my OB was admitting doc, and MFM was surgeon. OB said give her a sono if she wants it, and I was like, "Hell Yeah! Especially after the whole doppler thing!" Well, MFM was out until 1:30 so he couldn't do the sono but told me I could come back to his office and get one or get an abdominal one at the hospital. We opted to get it at the hospital. The man doing it was HUGE! I swear he used his size and weight to push on me way harder than was necessary. I was happy to see the baby moving around and was like, "OK, take me back now!" but he had to study every inch of my uterus and ovaries. IT hurt! And, that's really the only pain I've had.... soreness from the U/S. I told Sami I can tell someone's been fiddling around down there, but it doesn't really hurt. And it doesn't.

I'm on bed rest for the next week, and then we will play it by ear from there. MFM will take a look at his work next Thursday, and let me know if I can walk around again. But, I know for sure, I will be on bed rest from week 20 on. The only other pain I have is a sore throat from the breathing tube that was used, but that will go away soon. Warm liquids help with that.

Thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes!

Progesterone Shots are History... for a few weeks!

This week we hit the 11 week mark which is a major milestone as I finally get to quit the daily 5pm intramuscular (read buttox) injections of progesterone that have helped me to keep this pregnancy thus far. My baby's placenta has finally taken over the progesterone production so I get a few weeks off! Once we hit week 16, I will add back in Progesterone shots, but only once a week. Progesterone has been proven to effectively decrease the incidence of pre-term labor for women in subsequent pregnancies so we are adding it to our routine this time.

I thought that I would be completely shot free this week, but alas, my body disagreed. I went to the endocrinologist on Monday and saw my OB in the afternoon. Both were not happy with the trend of my fasting sugars and the sugar readings 2 hours after lunch and dinner. My OB was most concerned about the fasting, so I am now taking 6 units of insulin daily in addition to the metformin which I take to manage my blood sugar. For some reason, my body is more sensitive to carbohydrates with this pregnancy than it was last time. Oh swell... more shots it is...

Monday is the date of our NT scan (first trimester screening). We will be checking out the baby for Down Syndrome as well as other common cromosomal abnormalities. In addition, we will be doing the paperwork for my cerclage which should be the following Monday. We have a lot going on in the next couple of weeks. Keep us in your prayers please!

Only one more week of daily shots!

That's right, we have made it to week 10, which means I have exactly 7 more progesterone shots to do. That is totally worth celebrating!!! Those shots hurt... and they make your butt itch. Ugh! :( I cannot wait to do the last one next Thursday! That's something to be thankfull for, now isn't it?! :)

This week was rather tough for me as you might expect. It is the one year anniversary of Rafe's death and Solomon's birth. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to work Wednesday too. What was I thinking? I didn't get very much done. The more I got emotional, the more I wanted to hurl. I actually did at breakfast which really got my day off to a great start.

Our high risk OB appointment went great this week. We have our NT scan scheduled for 11/30 and then will have the cerclage on 12/7. Those dates are not that far off. :) I went online this week though and googled the McDonald cerclage which I'll be getting... probably shouldn't have done that... now I'm thinking I'm going to tell the anasthesiologist to just knock me out i/o having an epidural for the procedure... I don't think I want to be conscious when my high risk OB is tying me up like a turkey...

And finally, I want to extend hugs and support to some friends of ours that are going through a very tough time right now. Having a miscarriage is one of the worst things in this world. Given that 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, it makes you wonder how any of us were lucky enough to make it, you know? Having suffered 2 miscarriages myself, I always hated it when people would tell me it was meant to be, or something must have been wrong. What a person going through this really wants to hear is that their friends are there for them. Because, even if something was not right, that little embryo was their child, and embodied their hopes for the future, even if just for a very short time. You are both in our thoughts and prayers!

We've made it to 9 weeks!

One of us almost didn't make it though. Let me describe the situation, and you tell me if I should allow Sami to continue to breathe....

Last night, we went out to dinner with friends at The Cheesecake Factory. Now, I do not get to go out much anymore, as I spend most of my time on the couch, so I am stuck eating whatever is available here at the house. And, my stomach is so small now that anything gives me heartburn and I can hardly eat much at one sitting. But, it is the Cheesecake Factory, you know?!?!?

I ordered my favorite pasta, Thai Chicken Pasta, and barely made a dent in it. I asked the kind server to wrap it to go, because I had to save room for cheesecake - it is the freekin Cheesecake Factory! Of course, I'm gonna get dessert! To start with, Sami was all like, "I'm not gonna get dessert", but then the rest of us did, so he finally ordered a tiramisu.... he has issues alone for not ordering cheesecake, but whatever. Did he finish his dessert, NOOOOOOO. When he saw me stop eating because I didn't want to send myself into a sugar coma, he stopped too, and we both had our desserts boxed up to go.

Now, here's where the story gets interesting. He says he waited a whole hour after we got home, but that is impossible, because Gray's anatomy was still on when I heard him make his first comment. He said my cake was "VERY GOOD!". I thought to myself at the time, "he's just fooling around, he doesn't really mean it... he's not THAT crazy!". Boy was I wrong! When I went to get milk later to help combat the heartburn that haunts me 24/7, I noticed both dessert boxes were no longer in the fridge. Yes, you read correctly, he finished off his, and ate mine! Now, you tell me, should I let him continue to breathe? Who eats a pregnant lady's Cheesecake Factory cheesecake? As of this morning, he's still in the doghouse, and I am not sure when I am letting him out!!!!

So, okay, back to my baby now... we've officially made it to 9 weeks now. I'm sooo happy! One more week and maybe I'll breathe a little freer since we lost our first child sometime around week 9 or 10. We have our appointment with the high risk doctor on Tuesday to evaluate things and decide the date for my cerclage surgery. Time's really trucking on by!

This week we had our first OB appointment w/Dr. Reisler. That went pretty well. I asked the doc about a drug that would knock me out until week 26 so that I wouldn't worry so much, and he suggested Zoloft. He knows that I wouldn't take it though. :)

Sami chose to try to rat me out at the appointment too. Seriously, does he not understand that I could get away with anything thanks to all the hormones running around in my body!?!? Dr. Reisler was telling me to stay away from Deli meats and soft cheese, when Sami pipes up with, "She ate deli meat on Saturday!". I said, "It was cooked, Canadian Bacon!" Dr. Reisler then tells me that if it is ham, it is still deli meat and that it had to be warm and cooked. It was piping hot, I tell you. I replied back that Sami's only problem was that I ate ham! Sami then told the Dr that I like to eat Chef Boy R De. So what I ask you! It has a full serving of veggies now, and it is small enough for me to eat yet still feel satisfied. I finally looked Dr. Reisler straight in the eyes and told him that the only time I ever eat anything Sami doesn't approve of is when Sami does not cook for me, so how could it be my fault?! He smiled at that one and told us he's not a marriage counselor...lol :)

The appointment went fabulously though, and my silly husband keeps the office in stitches so they are looking forward to the next several months as they get to see us! Dr Reisler said be prepared for bedrest for sure between weeks 20 and 26, and perhaps earlier and later as well. So, bedrest, here we come!

Eight is Great!

So I woke up this morning thanking God for allowing us to have made it through another week. We are at week eight today, a step closer to getting away from the fear of miscarriage. I saw a report this week though that says we have a 92% chance of sucess with this pregnancy based upon the heartbeat we saw and heard Monday of 136 beats per minute... those are odds I like! Yet still, I worry... I'm good at it...

I swear I talk to my uterus as if it were a magic 8 ball sometimes. I worry if it is strong enough to support this pregnancy... if the pregnancy itself is viable... if it will stay closed with the help of a cerclage... you get the picture...

I went in to get my swine flu vaccine this week. I was patient #1 on their priority list and rushed in to get my shot as soon as they got their shipment since they only had 20. It was wonderful to see everyone. They were all so excited to see us too. Our OB had a waiting room full of patients, but took time out to come out and hug us. It's such as awesome feeling to know that you have such a wide reaching support team! I told my OB we'd confirmed that I have an incompetent cervix, and he said it would be our #1 priority to get me over to the high risk doctor then as soon as we near the end of the first trimester and get the cerclage(s) in place. Just a few more weeks!

Only 3 more days until I get to see my baby again!

Houston, We have a heartbeat! :)

What a stressful day! I didn't feel like doing anything at work because I was honestly just counting down the hours until 3:30pm. I told my hubby earlier in the day that we were leaving the house at 2:45, so, what does he decide to do at 2:40? Take a shower... yep... he has noooooooooooooo concept of time management and gets upset when I rush him. To top it all off, we had to get gas on the way to the doctor, so of course, we were 5 minutes late. FIVE MINUTES! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I was highly upset over 5 minutes! It is the principle of the matter!

So, we get there, and have to wait, of course... but when they called us back, our doctor asked us how I was doing. I said "Terrified" and meant it... He asked about the spotting and if I'd had any cramping, which I haven't, thankfully. Mostly, I just feel sore after I spot, and I do not spot that much when it happens. Next, we did the sono, and found one healthy little baby in there measuring right on track. Then came the fun part. They can actually let you hear your baby's heartbeat at 7 weeks... can you imagine?! I cried... Not just from joy, but because hearing that racing heartbeat reminded me of that last week in the hospital last November when we were constantly checking the boys heartbeats and then finally couldn't find Rafe's. I sooooooo hope we get a better outcome this time.

Well, that's it for now. We have to get ready for the Day of the Dead mass tonight which is being said in memory of our boys, Solomon and Rafe. I pray that they are watching over us as we go down this road again.

Lucky SEVEN!

Yep, we've made it to seven weeks today, and can breathe another small sigh of relief. We have our first ultrasound on Monday, which will hopefully allow me to release all of the breath I have been holding for the past 2 months. I just hope and pray that we get good news!

I spoke with my doctor's office this week, and they have me as patient #1 on their list to get the H1N1 vaccine when they get it in next week. Apparently being asthmatic and having gestational diabetes comes with tons of perks...lol. The office is only getting 20 of the 180 shots they've ordered and lucky me is #1 on the list with my name and phone number written in red. The nice nurse said, "Of course you'll be patient #1 since you have complications..." And then she tried to backtrack and make "complications" not sound so bad... I was like "Honey, I've been through enough at this point to accept that I am full of complications!"

So, for now, we are just counting down the days till Monday. Who knew you could actually want to let the weekend fly by!?! But, we have some exciting things planned to make the time pass quickly. I will be spending the day tomorrow dressed as Octomom with Sami as my RE (fertility doctor). Then Sunday, if Sami's germ phobia allows me to go out, we will be hitting Banning's first birthday party! Yep, it's been a year since our whole ordeal started. Little Banning and his family were one of the first families that we met in the NICU last year. He's such a special little boy and we can't wait ot help him celebrate his milestone! :)

SIX WEEKS! Halfway through the first trimester ...still a ways to go...

A roll of the dice... that's exactly how it feels. I get lectures all the time from loved ones about how I should be optimistic (or as Sami says, septimistic, because to him that is the opposite of pessimistic). I try, really I do. I just wanted a pregnancy devoid of complications (other than knowing that I would need a cerclage as soon as I made it through the first trimester). But, alas, that was not to be.

I started spotting last Saturday. You'd think I'd be used to this by now. Honestly, last pregnancy, after I began to bleed almost daily, I did grow quite used to it. But this time, I was TRYING to be septimistic (that's for you Sami)!

I have also read some info online that says that my spotting could be coming from my irritated or incompetent cervix. Go figure... perhaps I am just meant to spot... at least it is not painful like the miscarriage I had last time at 6 weeks and 2 days. So there you have it, I am 6 weeks today, and praying to get through the weekend. I feel like that will be our first milestone...

Happy Friday Everyone! We are 5 weeks today!

I know it's still early, but after everything we've been through, I plan to celebrate every milestone we hit with this pregnancy. I've spent the week taking it easy. I've been sitting or lying on the couch for most of the week and look forward to continuing that habit for a while to come.

I was fortunate enough to have friends come over yesterday to check in on me. That was a very nice treat. You realize quickly when you are not as mobile as you used to be that you miss the human interaction. Poor Sami... he's had his routine overturned too... he actually asked me this week if I was going back to work soon so that he could have the house back during the day. Poor guy! He's been studying hard for his math test tomorrow... I so hope he passes!

I've had quite a bit of morning sickness this week, but fortunatley, I've been fortunate enough to not actually get sick yet. It gets bad mid morning usually and then in the evening. At least it is a reminder though that I'm still pregnant. I actually start to obsess when I miss a morning. Yep... that's what it is like when you've wanted a child for so long and experienced so many losses... you start to second guess every symptom or lack thereof...

We have our last RE appointment on 10/2 where we will hopefully get to see a heartbeat, and then it is on to my OB on 10/9 for our first appointment there. He will see me weekly with my peri (high risk doc) seeing me every 3 weeks. My OB's office was so excited to hear that we are pregnant again. I think I spoke to almost everyone there and you could hear it in their voices. It makes me so glad that I chose their office. After our first OB experience... look back to 2008 for my "Britney Spears" experience and I think it'll be self-explanatory, I really looked hard to pick the right doctor for me. We've gotten better service than anyone could expect and they treat us like family.

So here's hoping for another peaceful, uneventful week. 5 down, at least 27 more to go! :)

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

It's official!

We are out of beta hell and into the wonderful world of pregnancy! Our latest beta went from 45 to 105 and we have our first sono scheduled for November 2nd. I offered to come in the Friday before (October 30th) and wear my Halloween costume, but unfortunatley, they are closed that day. Sami is going as my fertility doctor this year, and I am going as Octomom! Hey, we couldn't pass up on the irony. :)

So, for now, it's no more worrying about betas, and on to worrying about how many more days have to pass until I get to see my baby(s). We did get a first appointment scheduled for November 9th with our OB too. The office was super excited for us!

I notified my boss, who asked if I'd work as much as possible (from home, of course). I am thrilled to do that because it takes my mind off all of the what-ifs. No no no... I do not need to much time alone to think!

Finally, I would like to ask you all to light candles in memory of our boys, Solomon and Rafe and those we never got to meet, and for anyone else who's lost a child tomorrow.

In October1988, President Ronald Reagan Proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day" is October 15th.

"When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, their isn't a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes."

Back in Beta Hell!

With our first pregnancy via IVF (which unfortunately we lost at 10 weeks, discovered at week 15), I first paid a visit to Beta Hell. It's a place you never wanna visit, but apparently I got a multi-visit pass. Our first beta with that pregnancy was 12. You typically need a 25 to be considered pregnant, but most docs want to see a 100 or higher... kinda like a test score I suppose. :) Anyway... this go round we scored a 25... pregnant, but on the low end and more prone to having a chemical pregnancy (embryo doesn't develop). When you enter beta hell, they bring you back every 48 hours to see if you beta is increasing by at least 60% (they prefer 100%). Luckily, ours has gone from 25 to 45. We have one more test tomorrow monring and then hopefully we'll get the all clear until the sonogram... hopefully sometime around Halloween.

It's at the sono that we get to see how many implanted. With a beta that low (25) you'd think that we only have 1, but given that I've had a beta of 12 with one before, I wouldn't put it past both of those embryo's having implanted. :) I went for a body talk session today and my therapist told me she's picking up on both (take it for what its worth) but that one is having some circulation issues. Now, if it is true, that would explain why my beta didn't quite double. Supposedly, she did some work on me which should help resolve that issue. She's also picking up on me having a boy and girl in there this go round... time will tell.

For now, I've stepped away from those nasty home pregnancy tests, and am leaving it all in God's hands.

I am officially crazzzzzy!

Help! I've lost my mind....those stupid sticks have taken over my life. We have sooooo much riding on this round of treatment, so of course, this would be the treatment cycle that gives me mixed results on the home pregnancy tests. For example:

7 days post 6 day transfer - I tested with the cheap dollar store tests and got faint positives...
8 days post 6 day transfer - I tested using the expensive digital tests and got a negative....proceeded to have a mental breakdown...
9 days post 6 day transfer - I tested again with the expensive digital test and got an error message....went out and bought CVS tests (non-digital) and got a positive immediately.

So, will I stop taking the tests? No way! Once a crazy, always a crazy! I am just sooooooo ready for tomorrow so that we can put an end to this madness for a few days. Of course, there's always something else to obsess about. You make it through the beta and get a positive, but then, is it high enough? Is it doubling like it should? Then, once it doubles, you get to wait a few weeks to see the heartbeat.... yep, you heard me, a few weeks... imagine how off the charts crazy I'll be by then. After we see the heartbeat, I am released to my OB and then it's on to worrying about making it to week 12 so that I can get my cervix stitched closed....and then, it's time to obsess over my cervical length and making it to week 28 at least... then you get to week 28 and you obsess over making it to week 32 if my uterus can handle it (I had an emergency c-section last time so there is the risk of rupture)...then assuming we make it through all of that and a healthy child is born, the real worry begins, right? :)

Maybe they should just make a potion that will let me sleep through the next 8 months and wake up in the delivery room. You know, I don't think I'd take it. I've fought so hard to get this experience and now I'm going to just sit back and enjoy my craziness...

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

Dear Lord....grant me the strength to make it through this 2ww!

I'm hanging in there... trying to keep the negative thoughts away. I've been so blessed to have 2 IVFs work, that I sometimes worry if it's not my turn to get a BFN.... that's my negative thought essentially... now that I've said it out loud (well typed it at least), I insist that it run far far away! :) I have our nursery pretty much finished. I changed a few things up this weekend from how I had them with my last pregnancy. I figured it was time for a new look for a fresh start. Now I just need one or both of my sweet little embies to decide to take root and stay for a while.

If you have never had to go through the agony of a 2ww, you are probably wondering what the big deal is. It's simple.... you know you have what could become a baby inside of you, but you are on so many medications that you have no way of knowing if the twinges, pulls, and other "feelings" are that baby deciding to take root, or just your imagination. It's the worst kind of torture for a woman who's wanted a baby for so long...

I'm at that horrible in between point right now. It's been enough days that I can start to think about POASing, but it's really too early for anything to show up....so I just spend my time trying to get these negative thoughts out instead.

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

Ugh... let the night sweats begin!

My poor poor hubby! Every time I go through IVF and I make it past the ET, he gets stuck needing to sleep in flannel pajamas because his wife sweats like a pig even when it's 60 degrees in the house! Last night was our first such night with this round of treatment. It's fall weather here in Little Elm... it's frickin gorgeous! I went to bed last night feeling cold but with the window up because it felt sooo good. I also had the ceiling fan on. It didn't matter.... I awoke in a pool of sweat at midnight. And again at 3 am... and then 5 am.... and then 7... you get the picture. The midnight episode was the worst. I had to throw my body pillow off the bed because it felt like it had been dunked in a pool. UGH! If my last two pregnancies were any indication, it's not going to get any better... I read today that taking cold showers before bed can help... I think I'll try that tonight because I am just the desperate!

I've been visiting all my message boards for fertility today and have determined that Tuesday morning is the earliest I could possible get a + on a HPT. I was out at the DollarTree today and picked up a few more tests just in case. I start to go a little crazy with the POASing when it's time to potentially see a positive. I really feel like it's worked this time. I've had the tell tell pains in my sides, ever so mild cramping, and the blood sugar spike that usually accompanies my earliest stage of pregnancy. Either I'm pregnant, or my mind's playing tricks on me. Either way, it's too soon to tell. So, for now, I'm just twiddling my thumbs till POAS Tuesday! :)

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

Two days down... 8 more to go!

So, I have 8 more days until my first beta. Things are going pretty well so far. I spent the first 2 days mostly in bed, and today I've gotten up a little more. Still light duty though... no worries. My hubby's been doing a wonderful job of taking care of me! I couldn't ask for anyone to dote on me any more than he does.

I told him yesterday that I thought one of our blastocysts (potential babies) looks an awful lot like a rooster. I took this as a good sign. You'd have thought I had told my husband I didn't belive in God. He was offended that I could even think to compare our child to a rooster. Duh, it's his Chinese sign, so I told him it was a GOOD THING! Today, he came around, in a big way.

He was getting ready for class and came over to kiss me good-bye. He saw me looking at the picture again and proceeded to give me a picture frame to put them in. Little did he realize that the picture frame was one I got from work recently and was a gift from VISA. I found it extremely ironic that my babies are now "smiling" at me from a picture frame with "VISA" plastered across the front. Afterall, my Visa card is still smoking from all the money it's delivered to my RE. I think I've put all of his kids through college and bought him a retirement home. :) So, now, my babies have a corporate sponsor.

I felt a few twinges in my uterus yesterday. It may have been implantation, or perhaps it was just a few left over cramps from the procedure... I guess we'll know if 8 days!

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

We are PUPO!

Yeay! I cannot believe the day has finally arrived! I am PUPO after having transferred 2 beautiful embryos this afternoon. One was already starting to hatch which was a very good sign. I'll be spending lots of time in bed for the next 2 days, and then it's light light duty until a blood test next Saturday morning! We were given yet another warning today that my cervix is definitely incompetent, so I'm prepared for many months of doing nothing basically, but working to keep my baby(s) inside and give them a chance to grow as much as they can. At least laying in bed is better than laying upside down like last time! :)

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

I can't wait to be PUPO!

So... this Wednesday, Sami and I are finally going to get knocked up. Light the candles and buy some wine! Oh wait, you mean that's not how they we do it? My bad... Looks like it'll be lots of relaxation, no perfumes or lotions to scare the embryos away, and lots of time sitting on the couch watching TV... yippeee! Let the 2ww (2 week wait) begin! Two of our embryos will be thawed next Wednesday morning and Wednesday afternoon, my uterus will welcome them home. My lining measured 7.7 on day 14 which is awesome since I've barely been able to make it to 7 by day 14 in previous cycles.

Basically, come Wednesday, I'll be considered PUPO, pregnant until proven otherwise. That's the time where for 2 whole weeks, I get to obsess over ever little twinge and possible pregnancy symptom despite the fact that 99.99% of them are due to the progesterone shots that I have to take daily. It's a blast! Right... you believe me don't you?! :)

Yesterday was my first intra-muscular (read buttox or thigh) injection of progesterone in quite a while. I guess I'll be on them for quite a while... hopefully anyway. I'll take them through the first trimester and then begin weekly shots of progesterone of a different kind (p17) that is supposed to help stave off preterm labor. Earlier this year, we didn't know if I went into labor so early because of an icompetent cervix or due to preterm labor, but now we know with a little more certainty that my cervix is out of whack and the likely culprit as I mentioned in previous posts. So, my hubby's informed me that I will be treated like a princess this go round and should not worry about a thing. If only life were that simple.

I just wanted to take a moment as I wrap up today's post, to say how thankful I am for all of the new friends that God has sent my way this year. I was talking to Wendy last night at the snack counter at the movies and I told her even though we had to suffer a lot in the past few years, I feel like God has truly shown me a wonderful group of people that I never would have otherwise come across. I appreciate all of you and you give me hope that this go round will be different as well as the strength to get back on this rollercoaster ride again. THANK YOU ALL and I love ya!

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

Happy Thursday everyone!

I am off to teach a seminar shortly on international trade. It's being simulcast across a few different cities, so that should be exciting...at least it makes the time go by faster until I can get to the doc tomorrow and find out if all the injections I've been doing have been paying off.

I spent an hour and half this week on the table at my acupuncturists "working on my lining". I feel a little like Frankenstein with all those needles in me... not to mention the electric current she puts in my stomach and back. I think I could jump start a car now... anyone need assistance in that department? LOL

I am a firm believer in mind over matter, so I've been doing guided imagery as well to help me along the journey. If nothing else, it's very relaxing, and let's face it, I need all the relaxation I can get right now. A friend of mine mentioned this past weekend that I seemed sad... I guess that's not the right word for how I feel. I just have the blah's from the emotional roller coaster that all of these meds have put me on. And, every time I turn around, I'm paying another doctor which can bring even the most chipper person down. OK Obama, you hear me? I'm doing my part to stimulate the economy... I'm sending kids to college and helping docs afford new cars and vacations with their wives. :)

Did y'all see the case this week of the couple that got the wrong embryo implanted? I thought about that once during our IVFs, when a friend of mine and his wife were going through treatment at the same time and place that we were. Thankfully, we got our own embryos even if the nurse made a mistake and brought my friend back to see me instead of his wife after the egg retrieval...lol... you should have seen the looks on our faces... he was like "that's not my wife" and I was all "what the heck are you doing here? Am I at work?" LOL... at least I could blame the after effects of the anasthesia for anything I said. :) Seriously though, it took a lot of strength for that couple to continue with their pregnancy... although, having been on this ttc journey for a while, I can totally get that this was, to them, the only viable option. That's like when our OB mentioned genetic testing last year with the boys early on in the pregnancy. He assumed that it was because of Sami's faith (he's Catholic) that we refused it, but the truth is that after fighting that hard to have a baby, we could not fathom the idea of "selective reduction" if something had come up on one of the tests. Even after everything we've been through in the past 3 years, we are firm believers that God only gives us what we can handle... I just wish, as they say, that he would sometimes not have as much faith in my ability to handle things...

Until tomorrow!

Sticky dust and baby vibes to all!

Rainy Mondays SUCK!

Ugh! Will this day ever end? I got to work at the crack of dawn for a meeting that I could have just have easily missed. That led to a series of conference calls that went on waaaaaaay too long. I hear my bed calling me now... but, alas, I have a transaction I am still waiting on at work, so I will be here a little while longer... go figure... it's Monday... and still raining...

To make matters worse, I decided this weekend to go ahead and eat like I am pregnant, so I have had no caffeine since Friday night. Hmmm, let's see... caffeine withdrawal, lupron shots and estrogen injections, oh my! When you read in the paper that I've gone off on a crime spree, you will know why!

Speaking of which, I saw my life flash in front of my eyes last night! I had the uber smart idea to sneak up on him while he was doing laundry last night... All the lights were out in the house except for in the utility room. He finished playing with the laundry... and yes I call it playing.. you should watch his laundry process and you'd agree... and when he came out I lunged at him and screamed...Not a good idea in hindsight! He tried to take a swing at his attacker and thankfully realised it was me before he landed his punch. I laughed soooooooo hard though!

He tried to get me back later on by trying to sneak out of the bedroom and crawl around the couches and surprise me. I busted him though before he had a chance. We got a good laugh out of it.

I got my appointment scheduled with the fertility doc today. I'll be back to see him next Friday, 9/25 and we will hopefully get the go-ahead then for a transfer on 10/1. Keep those fingers crossed please!

Thankfully, I will be back at my acupuncturist's office tomorrow for some help with my nausea, headaches and yes, of course, the all important lining. I do hope we win the lining lotto and register an 8 or higher next week. :)

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

What a rainnnnnny day!

The weather is glum and so am I... my head is killing me... only 2 days after acupuncture too... no wonder my acupuncture doctor said I would need more visits this cycle... ugh! At least I only have another week on the nasty Lupron! Then hopefully the headaches will be gone... I hope at least. :)

I must give a shout out to my Big Brother! He and his wife welcomed a beautiful little boy into the world yesterday. Chase will make a wonderful addition to their family and give Braydon a cool new brother to play with. :)

Sami and I went out for dinner last night to try and blow off some steam before his big math test today... We kept wondering why no one was at the cool new restaurant we had decided to try... welll duh! We just happened to pick an Afghan restaurant on 9/11? What were we thinking? Thanks Elise for pointing the obvious out to me today... I definitely did not even think that through last night.

I know now too why I have never written a book. Every time I sit down at this computer to write a blog entry, Sami gets pulled in by watching my fingers move across the keyboard and tries to grab the hand closest to him to play with... maybe I should worry about him... he's so easily distracted by moving objects. Or, better yet, perhaps I should google hypnosis and learn how to hypnotize him. LOL

I am headed to NC this week to visit a client AND see my newphews. I can't wait. It will make the time pass faster until we get to go back in to the doc and see how the ol' lining's growing this month. Come on....8+!

Good evening everyone!

Well, I've started the Lupron shots... let the fun begin. I'm holding water like a camel, breaking out like a teenager, and going from tears to anger at the drop of a hat. I forgot how much fun medicated cycles can be!!!!! I've got 4 days under my belt now, so only another week or so to go until I get to add in the Estrogen...and then the real party starts... perhaps I should just go ahead to Sams and get two jumbo packs of Puffs...with lotion of course. :)

My biopsy went very well on Friday. My mom and dad made the trip from NC. It worked out great because Sami had class Friday morning when I was scheduled for the procedure. My fertility doc was very surprised to walk into the exam room and 1... not see Sami, and 2... see my mother who he met for the first time. He was soooo cute. He tried to ask my mom to leave because he was scared she would faint. I told him he should not worry about that in the least. After all, my mom's been a nurse for 33 years and jumped right in and helped my OB pack me last year when they finally found my infection at the c-section site. Once he learned she was a nurse, we got right down to business. The biopsy lasted longer than I expected. He biopsied 3 spots instead of the 1 that I was expecting. I tended to hold my breath more out of anticipation that anything. It was slightly painful, more uncomfortable than anything. I'd compare it to a series of severe menstrual cramps....bearable but unpleasant.

Now I get to do Lupron for a few days and then start the Estrogen IM injections... more fun. Right now we are looking at a transfer around the last week of September/first week of October. I can't wait. I'm already planning a craft party during the dreaded 2 week wait to get my mind off of pregnancy tests. :) If you are reading this and live in the Metroplex, you should be getting your invite soon. I love making crafts and goody bags for the kids in the hospital and the NICU families.

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

You have to take charge of your own life (and medical history)!

Well ladies (I'm assuming not too many gentlemen are finding their way to my blog and deciding to stay...), I had further confirmation on Friday that I, and I alone, are responsible for my own medical journey. I showed up for my sono last Friday to see if I had ovulated, and my RE's office was having me sign paperwork for a uterine biopsy. Now the last time that I saw my RE (short for fertility doctor) he said that we'd do a biopsy 7-8 days after I ovulated. His words were, "no worries, we are not in a hurry", which was easy for him to say, because he was not trying to schedule work around fertility treatments. :) Imagine my surprise then when I walked in last Friday to see them fully setup for the biopsy. I'm SOOOOOO glad I raised the issue (after taking the prescribed pain pills and antibiotic on an empty stomach) with my RE when he came in, and boy was I glad... I wasn't supposed to do the biopsy until THIS Friday. My RE was quite upset with the staff that had written numbers in the wrong spot in my chart. Oh, what a costly mistake that could have been! I'm so glad I've decided to take charge of my medical journey! But, alas, I am destined for a biopsy this Friday...

I've never had a uterine biopsy, and I'm not really looking forward to it. I've done my research as usual, and kind of wish I hadn't. I have found accounts from women that have had the procedure and compared it to having a toe cut off without anesthesia and accounts from women saying it was only mildly painful. I'm praying that I'll fall into the mildly painful category... similar to my experience with they hysteroscopy. Hopefully 2 ibuprofen and an antibiotic will be all I need to take on the biopsy...

I spent the weekend in NC for my cousin's wedding. It was quite beautiful, and I enjoyed helping out with the reception. What I wasn't really prepared for though, were the numerous questions about whether or not Sami and I had kids yet, and if the 4 day old cousin of mine making his first family gathering appearance at the wedding was mine. I get this question quite a lot lately though... the "do you have kids yet" remark...I guess I'm just getting to that age when people just assume we've got kids already. And then there are the kind hearted people at work that are so anxious to check in and see how life is treating we with twin boys, since the last time we happened to talk, I was pregnant with twins... Oh, I am getting really good at handling these inquiries, let me tell you! I feel sorry for the people doing the asking, because I know they have no way of knowing, and as soon as I answer, they are going to feel bad... but really, what are my options? I could be brief I guess, and just say know, but I feel like I owe it to give the honest answer that we've got kids, but that they are no longer living...I do ok in the moment I'm answering, but it seems to bring me down for a bit afterwards. It does get easier with time.
A former manager told me after the boys' passing that I would start to eventually have more good days than bad, and that this is what I should strive for, because it never really "gets better". He is soooo right... I do find myself having more good days, but then, out of the blue, the sadness will hit... that's what I hate the most. My naivete is gone, and I'll never be able to get it back. But that doesn't mean we can't have hope. What's the point if you can't have hope???


STICKY VIBES AND BABY DUST TO ALL!

Who knew a pelvic exam could make a woman so happy?!

WARNING... guys... feel free to stop reading here if you like, because I'm going to discuss the disposition of my cervix...lol

Okay... you have been warned...


Everything went great today. We got two answers instead of the one that we were looking for. Not only were we blessed to find out that I do not have scar tissue even after all the issues we went through with infection with the boys last year, I finally found out definitively that I have an incompetent cervix. As my doc put it, most women have a circular cervix, and I have a smiley face one. Well, of course, I have a happy body! :) It's just a little incompetent, that's all. ;)

Now we are on track to get pregnant again around the end of September, early October. I have a few more tests to go in for, including a uterine biopsy, which the doc thinks will actually help with my lining... go figure. I guess it's kind of like hair; if you are trying to grow it out, sometimes trimming it helps. lol

Sami said our doc was pmsing today. Yes, he says guys have it too. We went round and round on the whole lupron debate. Dr Le insisted I was the one that wanted to use it, and I insisted that I deferred to Dr Le as he is the specialist. In the end, Dr Le said he thinks it will be helpful. Go figure... then why the heck was he wasting his breath convincing me it was all my idea and he was just doing what I wanted??? Maybe dealing with women all day has finally gotten to him. :)

On top of everything, I showed up at the office today and was greated by a bill for $720 from last cycle plus $200 for today's visit. I asked if they could bill my insurance for this visit, and billing insisted it wouldn't be approved. I called my insurance, and they sided with billing. Then, after the exam, my doc walks out and tells billing to bill insurance because this was an exam related to recurrent pregnancy loss... how come he knows the magic words and I dont? Now, after I'd paid $200, I find out I only owed $30... Oh well... I am running a tab anyway with the $720 I owed from last cycle... it'll all be worth it in the end.

I read a study this week that says the average American family spends $230K or so raising a child through the age of 18. At this rate, we'll be there before by the time our child hits kindergarten! But... as I keep reminding myself... it will all be worth it in the end.

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

Just a few more hours until we have some news!

3pm tomorrow... that's when we should know more about where we stand. I spent the afternoon researching causes of thin uterine linings and trying to see what else I can do to help... come on uterus, I'm already giving you yoga, massage, acupuncture, BodyTalk and lots and lots of estrogen. Next we'll add Lupron and possibly Viagra... yes, you read correctly, VIAGRA. That should be fun. :)

I've had crazy headaches today. I'm not sure why, I've slipped off the wagon when it comes to not drinking caffeine, so I really don't understand why I'm having these visitors. Perhaps it's my body's way of telling me I need to make an appointment for some acupuncture. I've heard the feeling you get after acupuncture compared to the feeling people get from smoking pot... if that's the case, I totally understand why so many people get hooked on pot.

I can't wait to get good news tomorrow so that I can start planning my bed rest parties. Yep, I've decided that being on bed rest during my next pregnancy is no reason not to socialize, so I'll be hosting movie parties from my wonderfully comfortable sofa. Feel free to send me your recommendations to help me pass the time!

Have a wonderful night!

Sticky vibes and baby dust to all!

Two more days to go until the hysteroscopy!

Sooo... I've survived another day in my wait for the hysteroscopy this Wednesday afternoon. The good thing is that work has kept me busy enough today to take my mind off of the race to have a baby that otherwise occupies every waking minute of my day. I swore I'd never let it get this bad, but that's one thing about being on the ttc (trying to conceive) bandwagon... you can't seem to control the process... it controls you if you are not very careful.

Last month when we tried our FET, we had to cancel the cycle because my lining was too thin. My doc wants it to be at least 8 mm thick, and I had a high reading of 7.5 this time before it started to decline.... decline... decline... I'm still not quite sure how that happened. My estrogen numbers were through the rough; just ask my dear hubbie. He had to put up with the tears that seemed to sprout at every minute of the day. So, after 27 days of estrogen, my cycle was cancelled and we decided to do a hysteroscopy to be sure that nothing unexpected is going on down there in Uterusland... that's right, Uterusland... it's a national park now after all the folks I've had taking a look down there. :)

I've been doing acupuncture this go round as well. I started acupuncture for 3rd attempt with IVF as well; even though before doing IVF, I never put much stock in non-Western medicine. Boy was I wrong. I immediately saw benefits from doing acupuncture after my missed miscarriage back in January of 2008. Following that sad event, I was stressed (to put it mildly) and rather depressed. The acupuncture helped me to return to sanity and get a better control of my emotions. It also did wonders with helping me get rid of Lupron headaches and horrible nausea from the high amounts of estrogen in my system. And, low and behold, I got pregnant with triplets the last go round with IVF. So, you can believe I've been back to the acupuncture doctor's office again for our FETs.

This go round, I've taken alternative medicine to a new level. While on the message boards at fertilethoughts.com, I came across a woman who mentioned that she was pursuing BodyTalk to help with the side effects of the medication that she was on for her FET cycle. I immediately started doing research to figure out what the heck BodyTalk was. I soon learned, you stay completely clothed, it's non-invasive and that the practitioner "talks" to your body to see what's not working correctly. I figured if it is non-invasive, it can't do any harm, so... why not? If you had asked me 10 years ago if I'd be giving myself shots, doing acupuncture and now BodyTalk, I'd have told you that you were crazy... oh, yeah... and add to that the Guided Imagery for fertility and fertility Yoga that I'm doing and I'd guess you can say I'm completely on the "holistic medicine" bandwagon. I'll tell you about my BodyTalk experience in more detail another day... but trust me... so far it's been pretty good. :)

I wish you all a wonderful evening!

Sticky Vibes and Baby Dust to all!

A little history...and how we've survived thus far...

It was the best of times… it was the worst of times… I never really understood that expression until this past year. My husband and I have been struggling to start a family over the past 10 years and for the past 3 have been on the IVF rollercoaster. In November of 2007, after our second round of IVF, we were delighted to learn that we were pregnant and were devastated to learn in January 2008 that I had experienced a “missed miscarriage”… I proceeded to have a D&C and then hemorrhaged a week following the procedure landing myself back in the hospital. This was right around the time that Britney Spears had her famous ride to the hospital in her black nightgown for her psychiatric evaluation. Girl... Britney had nothing on me. I awoke in a pool of blood and then passed out on the way to the shower. When I came to my hubby had the cell phone dialing 911 and all I could think of was that I needed my nightgown on before the paramedics got there...and sure enough, it was a black one. I gave all (apparently it took about 12 of Little Elm's finest to respond at 2 am) a laugh when I announced that their flashing lights were actually the papparazzi trying to take my pic as I was being wheeled out on a stretcher. That's another thing I've learned... Humour is a to survive trying to conceive!

I was devastated by our loss and went into a deep depression for several months. The funny thing was, I didn’t realize I had been depressed until I was coming out of it. We decided to try again in June of 2008 and I began doing acupuncture and guided imagery to calm my nerves as we took another ride on the rollercoaster. My body must have been pretty calm and receptive. We were thrilled to learn that we were pregnant in July and our beta numbers (something any woman doing IUI or IVF tracks like lottery numbers) were off the charts. We couldn’t wait to see how many we were having…but alas, we’d have to wait until week 7 to see how many when we went in for our ultrasounds to see the heartbeats…

Sure enough… at week 6.5… my body began to hemorrhage yet again. I immediately told my husband we’d never do this again… I couldn’t take it… The thing is… you never know how much you can handle until after you are through the storm. We went in for a sono the next morning, on a Saturday, and were delighted to learn that I was still pregnant… with twins! We’d lost one (yes, I’d been pregnant with 3) but twins! We’d hit the lottery!

I did everything right… I had a clot from the loss of the first child, so I stayed in bed a lot. I restricted my travel for work, and rarely went into the office. My husband proceeded to spoil me…still does… and I stayed off my feet as much as possible. We got bi-weekly sonos just to “reassure” us, and were told that they’d start watching my cervix at week 16. We did, and didn’t notice anything major until week 22. My cervix went from 4.6cm in length to 3…still nothing major… but the docs advised me to take it easy and stay in bed as much as possible.

Six days later I went out with my husband for a short trip, at least we thought. That was the last time I saw my house for a month! My back was hurting, which I thought was normal since I was now getting bigger, but when it got better once I started walking, I knew something was off. We went to the hospital and found out I was 4 cm dilated… I could tell by the look on my doctor’s face that he didn’t think we’d be able to do anything to stop the labor.

My doc promised he was going home and would see me in the morning… yet I kept seeing him in my room every 10 minutes…the contractions finally stopped a few hours later and I started living on borrowed time…

Rafe’s water broke the next evening, but he hung on for another week. The day Rafe passed, his brother Solomon’s water broke and I had to have a C-section to try to save him… but it was too early, and we knew it… who lives after 23 weeks and 6 days gestation??? We discussed comfort care with Dr. Santiago, and decided only to do something if it looked like Solomon was trying to fight. There’s a very very fine line between trying to help and support your child and torture, and we didn’t want to torture our son…Solomon came out crying… it was a wonderful sound… like a baby cat… I’ll never forget it…He fought intubation and proceed to have a nice honeymoon in the NICU… but Sami and I knew we were facing tough odds…he had a 5-20% chance of survival…and odds were he’d have major disabilities.

Solomon proved to be a fighter… there were many conversations with the doctors where they told us he wasn’t going to make it, but Solomon kept proving them wrong. Finally, on Dec 21st, he got switched to the big boy breathing tube as he’d made it to close to 3 lbs, and the doctor told us he’d be on a CPAP in a week and home by Valentine’s Day. He passed away around 6 am the next morning from Nectrotizing Intercolitis, or NEC, the silent killer of micro-preemies. When we came in and saw the docs and nurses working on him, we knew it wasn’t good, but they gave us 50/50 odds… I think they only did that because he had proven them wrong so many times before.

How do you lose two babies in a month (4 in a year) and survive? I wasn’t sure we would, but have…so far. What has worked for us? Here’s our short list:

1. We went to counseling… I was told by male co-workers who had had this happen to them that you think you don’t need it, but you do.
2. We started focusing on something besides having babies… we are looking into starting a business in 2010 if the economy helps us out, and naming it after our son Solomon.
3. We spent a lot of time together just being honest about how we felt.
4. We took meds, but only to get us over the hump. We both realized that there had come a time when we needed to get through this on our own… without medication.
5. We visit the boys’ grave (Rafe was cremated so they are buried together) and cry, laugh or scream… sometimes you need to do a combination.
6. We spend time apart… sounds like a contradiction to #3, I know, but after a month of togetherness, we spent a month apart as Sami went home to see his family in Lebanon. I missed him, but it was healthy for us.
7. We decided to take a break before trying again. My fertility doctor told me I could try again last May, but we are shooting for a September/October time frame.
8. I took time to work on myself. I looked into everything that happened and tried to pinpoint what I could do differently next time to avoid a repeat occurrence. We’ll do surgery, bed rest, shots, you name it. I’ve started a lifestyle change and have dropped over 35 lbs so far. Being overweight puts you at a higher risk for preterm labor, and if there is something within my control that I can do, I am giving it my all.
9. We had to make some tough decisions. It’s hard after suffering a loss, but our friends have pulled us out and made us do things… You find out who your real friends are after something like this and have to be strong enough to drop the relationships that just cause you pain.
10. We’ve allowed ourselves to have fun again. Laughter really is the best medicine.

My friend from China assures me that this year will be better. She said last year was the year of the rat… no good in her words… but this year is the year of the Ox, who is strong and dependable, so things will be better…I sure hope so.

Our first attempt at a Frozen Embryo Transfer (we have 3 on ice) was put on hold last month, due to concerns about my uterine lining not being high enough... I go in this Wednesday for a hystosonogram to check out what's going on in there. I am hoping we find zero scar tissue, but after the infection that occured with my boys' births last year, scar tissue is a definite possiblity. So... I'm just biding my time until Wednesday until I can find out what's going on in there...