We miss you!

From my niece... such a sweatheart she is!

"An Angel with the book of life wrote down my baby's birth, and whispered as he closed the book, "too beautiful for earth"This day today, just year ago was the worst for earth, but the best for heavenThis day today, an angel came and called his name, and took him by the handThis day today, heaven celebrates the arrival of the prince, the angel, the precious soul... Solomon Khoury. We miss you angel, keep watching over us we love you !While their room was being prepared in Little Elm, Texas, Solomon and his twin Rafe couldn't wait any longer to get out and explore the world. On November 18th, 2008, they were born. Unusually, no one was happy with this surprising news since the babies were still premature. Rafe's body was unfortunately poisoned and caused him to leave his brother fighting alone...Being born at an early time, Solomon had to undergo a heart surgery to close one of his heart valves that was supposed to close on the 8th month. As being told, the surgery was successfully accomplished. Solomon was getting better day after day; his test results proved the progress he was making. Minor problems kept constantly appearing, but Solomon never gave up...The early morning of December 22nd was a disaster. Our Christmas miracle was turned into the worst nightmare. The baby's intestines were attacked by a deadly disease, the silent killer. His body was too weak for any operation. Solomon waited in his incubator while nothing could be done. Time was passing incredibly fast and Solomon was gone before anyone knew it. Heaven has a new angel now... Solomon pray for us!"

Today is clearly a rough day for us, but we appreciate the love and support of all of our family and friends!

Happy Birthday to me! Happy 13 weeks gestation to our little one!

Sorry it took so long to do the 13 week update. I've had my buttocks kicked pretty hard by a sinus infection that turned to bronchitis that then left me with "mild asthma" per my lung doc which has taken me down for the count. I finally got put on steroids this week because I worried about the effects of the excessive coughing on my poor baby/cervix. We go for a checkup this afternoon and I pray that all the coughing I've done in the past 2 weeks has not taken its toll already. We shall see.

Yesterday was my birthday... I'm no longer 30... ugh! Great... now I feel old. It was an emotional day for me. I remember wanting to have such a huge party for my 30th... I had it all planned. I was going to have a band and all of my family together. Then I got pregnant with twins and was devastated when the docs said I could not travel. After that, I ended up in the hospital delivering my angels right before my birthday anyway and fighting for my son Solmon's life. I'll never forget though just how wonderful last year's birthday was... despite me not having a party. I got to hold my son on my birthday last year... not knowing that he only had 6 more days to live. We celebrated with him by bringing the birthday party to the NICU. Sami and I picked up birthday cupcakes for all the doctors, nurses and staff and it was the best birthday in my life. Better than turning 16 and getting my license or 21 and having a drink. I got to hold my son.

So how was this year? I had wonderful friends and family wishing me happy birthday throughout the day and a great group went to dinner with us last night. But it hurts. My hubby bought me 2 dozen roses, a spa day and a gift card for maternity clothes, and yet it still hurts. You see, I couldn't hold my son this year. And I miss him and his brother Rafe terribly... just terribly. I cannot help but think of how fun this Christmas would have been if they were still with us. Sami said this week that Christmas died for him decades ago when he lost his father. It died quite a bit for me last year when we lost our boys. We are fighting so hard to try and salvage it this year for our unborn child, but it is hard... there's no other word for it. Sami had me in tears this week when he said he was thankful to me and my family for bringing Christmas back alive for him with our celebrations. I think that is what makes it worse this year too... we cannot travel to NC for the family festivities so we are left alone here in Texas with our memories of an awful ending to 2008. What keeps us going is the prospect of a wonderful holiday season in 2010 with our family and our child. That's a dream we really need to come true...

I have a Cerclage! Sounds so Ooh la la... I know!

I've been tied up like a turkey!!!!

I am sorry it took me so long to post. To be honest, I did not sleep for 2 days prior to my cerclage because I was terrified... I was convinced it would hurt like hell, or that they would go in and find something wrong with my cervix already... let me tell you, I worried for naught... but I slept like an angel yesterday!

We went to the hospital at 5:30 yesterday morning, and I had my surgery at 7:30. I remember having a detailed discussion with the anaesthesiologist on the way to the OR about Sami's ethnicity. Everyone always thinks he's Russian for some reason. Did I just say, "No, he's Lebanese"? Nope, I went into his whole family history..."He's technically Lebanese, but he's really Palestenian and Syrian, but he was born and raised in Kuwait... blah blah blah blah blah.." What a chatterbox I was!

If you know anyone who's getting a cerclage at 12 weeks, tell them that if they come at you with that stupid doppler wanting to hear the heartbeat before you go down for the cerclage... tell them to go away!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why I let them do that... of course you cannot hear it at less than 12 weeks! And, the last time someone used a doppler on me was when we discovered our missed miscarriage, so I already had a negative connotation with that stupid thing! My OB never uses it on me... he knows better! LOL... The lady that was sent down from L&D was very upset that they'd sent her because she knew we probably would not be able to hear the hb, and it just works you up for nothing.

Thankfully, I felt the baby move on the way to the OR which was very reassuring since I'd just went through the whole doppler nightmare . I started feeling this one about a week or so ago, very faint at first and still rather faint, but I know the difference between that and gas after my last pregnancy.

I came to at 8:30 am and struggled to breathe. That was scary to say the least. Since I've had sinusitis and bronchitis this past week, the doc warned me that I may be doing a lot of coughing after coming to... he didn't exaggerate. After I coughed a lot, I was able to breathe just fine... but it was scary there for a minute.

In recovery, there was all kinds of drama about who was writing orders for me b/c my OB was admitting doc, and MFM was surgeon. OB said give her a sono if she wants it, and I was like, "Hell Yeah! Especially after the whole doppler thing!" Well, MFM was out until 1:30 so he couldn't do the sono but told me I could come back to his office and get one or get an abdominal one at the hospital. We opted to get it at the hospital. The man doing it was HUGE! I swear he used his size and weight to push on me way harder than was necessary. I was happy to see the baby moving around and was like, "OK, take me back now!" but he had to study every inch of my uterus and ovaries. IT hurt! And, that's really the only pain I've had.... soreness from the U/S. I told Sami I can tell someone's been fiddling around down there, but it doesn't really hurt. And it doesn't.

I'm on bed rest for the next week, and then we will play it by ear from there. MFM will take a look at his work next Thursday, and let me know if I can walk around again. But, I know for sure, I will be on bed rest from week 20 on. The only other pain I have is a sore throat from the breathing tube that was used, but that will go away soon. Warm liquids help with that.

Thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes!

Progesterone Shots are History... for a few weeks!

This week we hit the 11 week mark which is a major milestone as I finally get to quit the daily 5pm intramuscular (read buttox) injections of progesterone that have helped me to keep this pregnancy thus far. My baby's placenta has finally taken over the progesterone production so I get a few weeks off! Once we hit week 16, I will add back in Progesterone shots, but only once a week. Progesterone has been proven to effectively decrease the incidence of pre-term labor for women in subsequent pregnancies so we are adding it to our routine this time.

I thought that I would be completely shot free this week, but alas, my body disagreed. I went to the endocrinologist on Monday and saw my OB in the afternoon. Both were not happy with the trend of my fasting sugars and the sugar readings 2 hours after lunch and dinner. My OB was most concerned about the fasting, so I am now taking 6 units of insulin daily in addition to the metformin which I take to manage my blood sugar. For some reason, my body is more sensitive to carbohydrates with this pregnancy than it was last time. Oh swell... more shots it is...

Monday is the date of our NT scan (first trimester screening). We will be checking out the baby for Down Syndrome as well as other common cromosomal abnormalities. In addition, we will be doing the paperwork for my cerclage which should be the following Monday. We have a lot going on in the next couple of weeks. Keep us in your prayers please!

Only one more week of daily shots!

That's right, we have made it to week 10, which means I have exactly 7 more progesterone shots to do. That is totally worth celebrating!!! Those shots hurt... and they make your butt itch. Ugh! :( I cannot wait to do the last one next Thursday! That's something to be thankfull for, now isn't it?! :)

This week was rather tough for me as you might expect. It is the one year anniversary of Rafe's death and Solomon's birth. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to work Wednesday too. What was I thinking? I didn't get very much done. The more I got emotional, the more I wanted to hurl. I actually did at breakfast which really got my day off to a great start.

Our high risk OB appointment went great this week. We have our NT scan scheduled for 11/30 and then will have the cerclage on 12/7. Those dates are not that far off. :) I went online this week though and googled the McDonald cerclage which I'll be getting... probably shouldn't have done that... now I'm thinking I'm going to tell the anasthesiologist to just knock me out i/o having an epidural for the procedure... I don't think I want to be conscious when my high risk OB is tying me up like a turkey...

And finally, I want to extend hugs and support to some friends of ours that are going through a very tough time right now. Having a miscarriage is one of the worst things in this world. Given that 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, it makes you wonder how any of us were lucky enough to make it, you know? Having suffered 2 miscarriages myself, I always hated it when people would tell me it was meant to be, or something must have been wrong. What a person going through this really wants to hear is that their friends are there for them. Because, even if something was not right, that little embryo was their child, and embodied their hopes for the future, even if just for a very short time. You are both in our thoughts and prayers!

We've made it to 9 weeks!

One of us almost didn't make it though. Let me describe the situation, and you tell me if I should allow Sami to continue to breathe....

Last night, we went out to dinner with friends at The Cheesecake Factory. Now, I do not get to go out much anymore, as I spend most of my time on the couch, so I am stuck eating whatever is available here at the house. And, my stomach is so small now that anything gives me heartburn and I can hardly eat much at one sitting. But, it is the Cheesecake Factory, you know?!?!?

I ordered my favorite pasta, Thai Chicken Pasta, and barely made a dent in it. I asked the kind server to wrap it to go, because I had to save room for cheesecake - it is the freekin Cheesecake Factory! Of course, I'm gonna get dessert! To start with, Sami was all like, "I'm not gonna get dessert", but then the rest of us did, so he finally ordered a tiramisu.... he has issues alone for not ordering cheesecake, but whatever. Did he finish his dessert, NOOOOOOO. When he saw me stop eating because I didn't want to send myself into a sugar coma, he stopped too, and we both had our desserts boxed up to go.

Now, here's where the story gets interesting. He says he waited a whole hour after we got home, but that is impossible, because Gray's anatomy was still on when I heard him make his first comment. He said my cake was "VERY GOOD!". I thought to myself at the time, "he's just fooling around, he doesn't really mean it... he's not THAT crazy!". Boy was I wrong! When I went to get milk later to help combat the heartburn that haunts me 24/7, I noticed both dessert boxes were no longer in the fridge. Yes, you read correctly, he finished off his, and ate mine! Now, you tell me, should I let him continue to breathe? Who eats a pregnant lady's Cheesecake Factory cheesecake? As of this morning, he's still in the doghouse, and I am not sure when I am letting him out!!!!

So, okay, back to my baby now... we've officially made it to 9 weeks now. I'm sooo happy! One more week and maybe I'll breathe a little freer since we lost our first child sometime around week 9 or 10. We have our appointment with the high risk doctor on Tuesday to evaluate things and decide the date for my cerclage surgery. Time's really trucking on by!

This week we had our first OB appointment w/Dr. Reisler. That went pretty well. I asked the doc about a drug that would knock me out until week 26 so that I wouldn't worry so much, and he suggested Zoloft. He knows that I wouldn't take it though. :)

Sami chose to try to rat me out at the appointment too. Seriously, does he not understand that I could get away with anything thanks to all the hormones running around in my body!?!? Dr. Reisler was telling me to stay away from Deli meats and soft cheese, when Sami pipes up with, "She ate deli meat on Saturday!". I said, "It was cooked, Canadian Bacon!" Dr. Reisler then tells me that if it is ham, it is still deli meat and that it had to be warm and cooked. It was piping hot, I tell you. I replied back that Sami's only problem was that I ate ham! Sami then told the Dr that I like to eat Chef Boy R De. So what I ask you! It has a full serving of veggies now, and it is small enough for me to eat yet still feel satisfied. I finally looked Dr. Reisler straight in the eyes and told him that the only time I ever eat anything Sami doesn't approve of is when Sami does not cook for me, so how could it be my fault?! He smiled at that one and told us he's not a marriage counselor...lol :)

The appointment went fabulously though, and my silly husband keeps the office in stitches so they are looking forward to the next several months as they get to see us! Dr Reisler said be prepared for bedrest for sure between weeks 20 and 26, and perhaps earlier and later as well. So, bedrest, here we come!

Eight is Great!

So I woke up this morning thanking God for allowing us to have made it through another week. We are at week eight today, a step closer to getting away from the fear of miscarriage. I saw a report this week though that says we have a 92% chance of sucess with this pregnancy based upon the heartbeat we saw and heard Monday of 136 beats per minute... those are odds I like! Yet still, I worry... I'm good at it...

I swear I talk to my uterus as if it were a magic 8 ball sometimes. I worry if it is strong enough to support this pregnancy... if the pregnancy itself is viable... if it will stay closed with the help of a cerclage... you get the picture...

I went in to get my swine flu vaccine this week. I was patient #1 on their priority list and rushed in to get my shot as soon as they got their shipment since they only had 20. It was wonderful to see everyone. They were all so excited to see us too. Our OB had a waiting room full of patients, but took time out to come out and hug us. It's such as awesome feeling to know that you have such a wide reaching support team! I told my OB we'd confirmed that I have an incompetent cervix, and he said it would be our #1 priority to get me over to the high risk doctor then as soon as we near the end of the first trimester and get the cerclage(s) in place. Just a few more weeks!

Only 3 more days until I get to see my baby again!