That's the last time Sami gets a vacation during this pregnancy! :)

Let me start by saying I am exhausted!!! I didn't get much sleep last night. First, I had bad heartburn from the pizza I had while watching the superbowl. Then, when I wanted to go to sleep I got this horrible pelvic pressure that would not stop for like an hour or more. By then, I was terrified to go to sleep. I knew I had an early am OB appt, so I didn't call since I wasn't feeling contractions. Today, we learned that my funneling is worse and my cervix is now 3.4 to 3.8 (OB vs Peri measurements a few hours apart) with 1.5 to 2 above the stitch. Ideally, you want your cervix to be 4cm long at this point until week 24 when it naturally starts to shorten. I was admitted for a while for contraction monitoring, but didn't have any noticeable contractions, so my docs got together and decided that if I stay on strict bedrest, I can spend the next week at home. So, here I am, back where I was last pregnancy, but at least this time I have a cerclage. All my faith is now in that tiny little stitch. And, this just goes to show that my cervix really is incompetent and that I REALLY needed that cerclage back in December. I think my Peri was beginning to question whether or not my cervix was wacky since things had been going so well. It's amazing how fast the decline was this time. It wasn't even this bad last time with twins in there.

Apparently I am a legend in L&D. When I checked in today everyone was all smiles asking if I remembered them (we stayed quite a while last time and I had a pretty nasty infection after delivery). Several things surprised me. My nurse today was my nurse the day I delivered, and she remembered me immediately. She said she's never been angrier in her life than she was with my old Peri the day I delivered. (He was very cold and to the point in saying "Baby B didn't make it." followed by a swift exit from my room and life... yes, I would have never seen him again if I hadn't sought him out). Apparently all the nurses know about it and were shocked by his behaviour... all this time I thought it was just me. lol Sounded like he's been blacklisted by more than just Sami and I. Everyone was thrilled that we are pregnant again and have made it this far. I feel like I have such a huge stand full of cheerleaders for us. While I'm scared by the rate of change in my cervical length (apparently they are concerned with anything over a .5cm change per week) I am placing my full trust in that handy dandy cerclage.

Please, continue to keep us in your prayers. We appreciate all that you've done for us to date and pray that we can carry this little bundle of joy until she's had enough time to come out with a fighting chance.

Obsessions...

If you talk to most pregnant women, they look forward to the day they will bring their little one home from the hospital. They obsess over nursery decor and having to wait 2 months to get an ultrasound. They don't however obsess over whether or not they'll be able to carry to term, or wonder how many days this child will have to spend in the NICU until they come home. They don't have weekly doctor visits, have 4 doctors managing their pregnancy, take weekly shots to prevent PTL, or obsess over silly things like cervical length. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to obsess over all of the above! But, our experiences make us stronger, and if I had to go through something like what we've been through, I would like to think we've learned from it.

And then there's my blood sugar readings. I obsess over them too. They've been higher than I'd like lately in part due to the progesterone shots I am taking to prevent PTL. Not only do they make me very very tired, they apparently also affect my body's ability to process insulin. I have an appointment tomorrow with my sugar doctor, and for the firs time, I'm not looking forward to it.

And then there's the obsession about how much Masarra moves. She's a quiet one. She'll let me know she's there, mostly right before bed, but doesn't make a lot of movements... definitely very different from her brothers who were learning to be little soccer players in utero. Masarra likes to take it easy. She doesn't even move around a lot during the sonos. She's used to paparazzi now I suppose. :)

Obsess is a strong word, but it is the right word in this case. I actually went a week without a doctor visit this week, and you'd have thought I'd had to wait 2 months for my next sono! Every time I get a round ligament pain, I worry that it is a contraction, or pelvic pressure indicating that my cervix isn't holding up. Or, God forbid I should get gas, because then I'm convinced I will deliver any minute. Every minute of every day, I am obsessing. I've been told I have to give myself permission to carry to term. I hope it is that easy. Mind over matter they say, right?

So, since I'm on bedrest, I have lots and lots of time for TV. I caught a repeat of Oprah last week about a little boy who'd lost his twin brother and was depressed. Nate, one of her designer buddies who lost his SO in the Tsunami 5 years ago, shared with the family his realization that you could harp on dates and their associated memories be it the day of someone's birth, or their passing, or you could allow yourself to feel emotions as they come, and not only on certain days. It is very liberating.

And then there's Mrs. Wendy Williams, who used her show to bring the spotlight to the issue of women having the courage to try again after losing babies to miscarriage or incompetent cervices. Yep, there she was on national TV in all her glory telling the world her "Cervix had issues" (you should have seen her hand gestures!) but that with medical help and bedrest, she was able to have her son Kevin, who's now 9, after 3 losses (1 miscarriage and 2 losses from IC). Now when I watch Wendy, I am smiling, because 1. she's a hot mess (in a good way) and 2. she's always happy!. So after her revelations this week I decided if she can be happy after all she's been through, I can give myself permission to keep trying and hopefully one day I can be that happy again too.

I'm sleep walking for babies! Won't you join me?

So, since I'm on bedrest this year, the closest I will get to Marching for Babies with the March of Dimes is in my dreams. BUT, you can still help! Check out the link below:


Click here to help me reach my goal!



I'm very excited to be a part of March for Babies this year. Please help me reach my goal by making a donation to my walk. It's easy and secure - just click through to make your donation.

As you all know, our family was profoundly impacted in 2008 by the loss of our sons, Solomon and Rafe, who unfortuantely entered this world to soon. We are truly blessed to be having a second chance and anxiously await the arrival of little Masarra Ann Khoury in late May of this year. With this new pregnancy we have already benefitted tremendously from medical advances brought to us in part by none other than the March of Dimes. With their help, we hope to avoid another pre-term birth. Sami and I hope you will help us help this organization with their truly valuable work.

Your gift will fund March of Dimes research and programs that help moms have full-term pregnancies (Yes, that's me!!!) and babies begin healthy lives(Yes, that's you Masarra!!!). And it will be used to bring comfort and information to families with a baby in newborn intensive care.(Their information was invaluable to us in 2008 as parent's of a NICU baby.)

Please support this important work. You can make a donation with your credit card, or if you prefer, cash or a check is fine, too.

Thank you for helping me give all babies a healthy start!

To make a donation, visit my personal Web page at

http://www.marchforbabies.org/tracykhoury

If you would like to learn more about March for Babies, visit the Web site at
www.marchforbabies.org.

Would you like to see what March for Babies is and why I'm walking?
Click http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P_dFD0J47I to see the video.

The March of Dimes mission is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality.








Little Masarra is doing just fine. I can feel her move around more day after day and tell her daily that she's gotta stay in until at least late April or May. No negotiation on that! lol

My cervix continues to look great. We are having to watch her placenta now though as it has decided to be low lying for the time being which could be problematic as we enter the latter part of the second trimester and early third. My docs have their eyes on it though, so I am not terribly worried.

Happy 2010!

Week 16 is here! And so the IM shot fun begins again! That's right... now that we've made it to the 16 week mark, I have started my P17 injections (a compound of fun stuff and progesterone) that is supposed to help ward off pre-term labor. I'll be doing them weekly from now until week 36, God willing!

Whew... am I tired! We hosted tons of friends for a New Year's Eve party last night and had a wonderful time. Sami tried to keep me off of my feet most of the day, but I had to help him some... I couldn't just sit there and watch. So, by the time midnight rolled around, I was exhausted. I went to bed at 2 am and woke up at 8... not nearly enough sleep, so I've spent the day in my pjs on my sofa... nothing wrong with that! :)

I think this pregnancy has robbed all of my brainpower...seriously! I wen to McDonalds yesterday and completely screwed up my order. I knew exactly what I wanted, but that is not what came out of my mouth. The poor lady at the counter just laughed at me. I was just as bad at CVS later in the day. Maybe in 2011 I will make sense again. :)

We packed the boys things up in the nursery this week after getting confirmation that we are having a little girl. I've only bought one dress so far, so I will have to get active with the internet shopping.... yeay! We are doing a Hello Kitty around the world theme for the nursery. I have been painting some pictures of Hello Kitty saying hello in various languages that I hope to hang in the there for decoration. It has not taken that much work to take the room from a boy's den to a girl's. Just gotta start working on the dresses now because little Masarra Ann will be here before we know it. Masarra was Sami's grandmother's name, and means joy, and Ann is my mom's middle name. I'd say we can't wait to meet her, but truly... we can, and I tell her that every day!

We miss you!

From my niece... such a sweatheart she is!

"An Angel with the book of life wrote down my baby's birth, and whispered as he closed the book, "too beautiful for earth"This day today, just year ago was the worst for earth, but the best for heavenThis day today, an angel came and called his name, and took him by the handThis day today, heaven celebrates the arrival of the prince, the angel, the precious soul... Solomon Khoury. We miss you angel, keep watching over us we love you !While their room was being prepared in Little Elm, Texas, Solomon and his twin Rafe couldn't wait any longer to get out and explore the world. On November 18th, 2008, they were born. Unusually, no one was happy with this surprising news since the babies were still premature. Rafe's body was unfortunately poisoned and caused him to leave his brother fighting alone...Being born at an early time, Solomon had to undergo a heart surgery to close one of his heart valves that was supposed to close on the 8th month. As being told, the surgery was successfully accomplished. Solomon was getting better day after day; his test results proved the progress he was making. Minor problems kept constantly appearing, but Solomon never gave up...The early morning of December 22nd was a disaster. Our Christmas miracle was turned into the worst nightmare. The baby's intestines were attacked by a deadly disease, the silent killer. His body was too weak for any operation. Solomon waited in his incubator while nothing could be done. Time was passing incredibly fast and Solomon was gone before anyone knew it. Heaven has a new angel now... Solomon pray for us!"

Today is clearly a rough day for us, but we appreciate the love and support of all of our family and friends!

Happy Birthday to me! Happy 13 weeks gestation to our little one!

Sorry it took so long to do the 13 week update. I've had my buttocks kicked pretty hard by a sinus infection that turned to bronchitis that then left me with "mild asthma" per my lung doc which has taken me down for the count. I finally got put on steroids this week because I worried about the effects of the excessive coughing on my poor baby/cervix. We go for a checkup this afternoon and I pray that all the coughing I've done in the past 2 weeks has not taken its toll already. We shall see.

Yesterday was my birthday... I'm no longer 30... ugh! Great... now I feel old. It was an emotional day for me. I remember wanting to have such a huge party for my 30th... I had it all planned. I was going to have a band and all of my family together. Then I got pregnant with twins and was devastated when the docs said I could not travel. After that, I ended up in the hospital delivering my angels right before my birthday anyway and fighting for my son Solmon's life. I'll never forget though just how wonderful last year's birthday was... despite me not having a party. I got to hold my son on my birthday last year... not knowing that he only had 6 more days to live. We celebrated with him by bringing the birthday party to the NICU. Sami and I picked up birthday cupcakes for all the doctors, nurses and staff and it was the best birthday in my life. Better than turning 16 and getting my license or 21 and having a drink. I got to hold my son.

So how was this year? I had wonderful friends and family wishing me happy birthday throughout the day and a great group went to dinner with us last night. But it hurts. My hubby bought me 2 dozen roses, a spa day and a gift card for maternity clothes, and yet it still hurts. You see, I couldn't hold my son this year. And I miss him and his brother Rafe terribly... just terribly. I cannot help but think of how fun this Christmas would have been if they were still with us. Sami said this week that Christmas died for him decades ago when he lost his father. It died quite a bit for me last year when we lost our boys. We are fighting so hard to try and salvage it this year for our unborn child, but it is hard... there's no other word for it. Sami had me in tears this week when he said he was thankful to me and my family for bringing Christmas back alive for him with our celebrations. I think that is what makes it worse this year too... we cannot travel to NC for the family festivities so we are left alone here in Texas with our memories of an awful ending to 2008. What keeps us going is the prospect of a wonderful holiday season in 2010 with our family and our child. That's a dream we really need to come true...

I have a Cerclage! Sounds so Ooh la la... I know!

I've been tied up like a turkey!!!!

I am sorry it took me so long to post. To be honest, I did not sleep for 2 days prior to my cerclage because I was terrified... I was convinced it would hurt like hell, or that they would go in and find something wrong with my cervix already... let me tell you, I worried for naught... but I slept like an angel yesterday!

We went to the hospital at 5:30 yesterday morning, and I had my surgery at 7:30. I remember having a detailed discussion with the anaesthesiologist on the way to the OR about Sami's ethnicity. Everyone always thinks he's Russian for some reason. Did I just say, "No, he's Lebanese"? Nope, I went into his whole family history..."He's technically Lebanese, but he's really Palestenian and Syrian, but he was born and raised in Kuwait... blah blah blah blah blah.." What a chatterbox I was!

If you know anyone who's getting a cerclage at 12 weeks, tell them that if they come at you with that stupid doppler wanting to hear the heartbeat before you go down for the cerclage... tell them to go away!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why I let them do that... of course you cannot hear it at less than 12 weeks! And, the last time someone used a doppler on me was when we discovered our missed miscarriage, so I already had a negative connotation with that stupid thing! My OB never uses it on me... he knows better! LOL... The lady that was sent down from L&D was very upset that they'd sent her because she knew we probably would not be able to hear the hb, and it just works you up for nothing.

Thankfully, I felt the baby move on the way to the OR which was very reassuring since I'd just went through the whole doppler nightmare . I started feeling this one about a week or so ago, very faint at first and still rather faint, but I know the difference between that and gas after my last pregnancy.

I came to at 8:30 am and struggled to breathe. That was scary to say the least. Since I've had sinusitis and bronchitis this past week, the doc warned me that I may be doing a lot of coughing after coming to... he didn't exaggerate. After I coughed a lot, I was able to breathe just fine... but it was scary there for a minute.

In recovery, there was all kinds of drama about who was writing orders for me b/c my OB was admitting doc, and MFM was surgeon. OB said give her a sono if she wants it, and I was like, "Hell Yeah! Especially after the whole doppler thing!" Well, MFM was out until 1:30 so he couldn't do the sono but told me I could come back to his office and get one or get an abdominal one at the hospital. We opted to get it at the hospital. The man doing it was HUGE! I swear he used his size and weight to push on me way harder than was necessary. I was happy to see the baby moving around and was like, "OK, take me back now!" but he had to study every inch of my uterus and ovaries. IT hurt! And, that's really the only pain I've had.... soreness from the U/S. I told Sami I can tell someone's been fiddling around down there, but it doesn't really hurt. And it doesn't.

I'm on bed rest for the next week, and then we will play it by ear from there. MFM will take a look at his work next Thursday, and let me know if I can walk around again. But, I know for sure, I will be on bed rest from week 20 on. The only other pain I have is a sore throat from the breathing tube that was used, but that will go away soon. Warm liquids help with that.

Thanks for all of your prayers and well wishes!