You have to take charge of your own life (and medical history)!

Well ladies (I'm assuming not too many gentlemen are finding their way to my blog and deciding to stay...), I had further confirmation on Friday that I, and I alone, are responsible for my own medical journey. I showed up for my sono last Friday to see if I had ovulated, and my RE's office was having me sign paperwork for a uterine biopsy. Now the last time that I saw my RE (short for fertility doctor) he said that we'd do a biopsy 7-8 days after I ovulated. His words were, "no worries, we are not in a hurry", which was easy for him to say, because he was not trying to schedule work around fertility treatments. :) Imagine my surprise then when I walked in last Friday to see them fully setup for the biopsy. I'm SOOOOOO glad I raised the issue (after taking the prescribed pain pills and antibiotic on an empty stomach) with my RE when he came in, and boy was I glad... I wasn't supposed to do the biopsy until THIS Friday. My RE was quite upset with the staff that had written numbers in the wrong spot in my chart. Oh, what a costly mistake that could have been! I'm so glad I've decided to take charge of my medical journey! But, alas, I am destined for a biopsy this Friday...

I've never had a uterine biopsy, and I'm not really looking forward to it. I've done my research as usual, and kind of wish I hadn't. I have found accounts from women that have had the procedure and compared it to having a toe cut off without anesthesia and accounts from women saying it was only mildly painful. I'm praying that I'll fall into the mildly painful category... similar to my experience with they hysteroscopy. Hopefully 2 ibuprofen and an antibiotic will be all I need to take on the biopsy...

I spent the weekend in NC for my cousin's wedding. It was quite beautiful, and I enjoyed helping out with the reception. What I wasn't really prepared for though, were the numerous questions about whether or not Sami and I had kids yet, and if the 4 day old cousin of mine making his first family gathering appearance at the wedding was mine. I get this question quite a lot lately though... the "do you have kids yet" remark...I guess I'm just getting to that age when people just assume we've got kids already. And then there are the kind hearted people at work that are so anxious to check in and see how life is treating we with twin boys, since the last time we happened to talk, I was pregnant with twins... Oh, I am getting really good at handling these inquiries, let me tell you! I feel sorry for the people doing the asking, because I know they have no way of knowing, and as soon as I answer, they are going to feel bad... but really, what are my options? I could be brief I guess, and just say know, but I feel like I owe it to give the honest answer that we've got kids, but that they are no longer living...I do ok in the moment I'm answering, but it seems to bring me down for a bit afterwards. It does get easier with time.
A former manager told me after the boys' passing that I would start to eventually have more good days than bad, and that this is what I should strive for, because it never really "gets better". He is soooo right... I do find myself having more good days, but then, out of the blue, the sadness will hit... that's what I hate the most. My naivete is gone, and I'll never be able to get it back. But that doesn't mean we can't have hope. What's the point if you can't have hope???


STICKY VIBES AND BABY DUST TO ALL!